It never really changes does it.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Bambi, Jun 25, 2009.

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  1. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    It doesn't really change does it...I have taken it to the edge and injected a reversal just to see ...and I got a tell you it was peaceful...almost joyful.
    I don't think think it gets better for some of us...hell my family knows and they just left me alone what does that tell you.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I wish I knew the answer to that B.
    I'm sorry your family aren't more supportive. In the mean time lean on other sources of support to help you get through this. I really hope things do change for you. You're a wonderful person,you don't deserve to feel so much pain. You can PM me anytime if you need to talk hun,

    lots of :wub: and :hug:

    Daisy xx
  3. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    It may not seem like it will change or get better but it can. You know my story. I was homeless. Not staying with someone homeless but living in a homeless shelter kind of homeless. And now a few years later, I'm a home owner. It sucks and it's hard but it can change with some work and time. Give it time. Remember, you have options.
  4. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Sorry I just don't see my options as anything worthwhile and I am tired of being such a burden to my family. My father is on the edge right now all because of me. It would be kinder to do it clean and quick versus long and drawn out. I just can't see the point any more. I just keep ending up in a depressed state and those that "love" me are so fed up they don't just ignore me at this point. I guess I wanted to believe it could change, but for me ...well I guess that it is a big NO.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Those who love you are not fed up with you they probably don't know where to turn to help you. I have been fighting for my 20yr old daugther to get help for so long. They are tired not fed up. They love you as much as i love her They would be devastated without you please know there is help for you just have to keep trying keep learning better coping skills Please know your family love you they want the best for you Take care
  6. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Your family are only on the edge, as you say, because they care about you. They want you to be happy, as you deserve to be, and they just want to do all they can to make you happy. When they can't do that they begin to feel useless. Don't think they're fed up with you, families never get fed up of each other. They will always be there for you, to support you.
    Things can change, but sometimes it is up to ourselves to set that change in motion. It's a hard thing to realize but sometimes only you can change your situation :hug:
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Families can be hard to figure out.. Half of mine think I should stop my meds and get my shit together.. The other half understands I am in a bad place and it wouldn't take much to push me over the edge..The ones that think I need to get my shit together don't even talk to me.. They just stare at me and give me dirty looks.. Thats when I feel like ******* right in front of them so they can see I am serious..My meds are the one thing that keeps me going.. I have been in therapy for four years and feel I have come to a stand still..
    So I hope some of that helps you realise that your family may be hard on you but they still love you..That is one thing that won't change.. After all you have the same blood running thru your veins..You can always be like me , strange uncle joseph...
  8. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys I feel a bit better today in that I don't feel so angry at myself and hence the urge to torture/harm myself is gone but the other feeling of want to be gone..well that does not go away. I guess I am coming to grips that I may have to deal with these thoughts. When I was in the hospital once an aide said as long as suicide was an option in my head then a part of me would never fully try to live. For many years it was not an option but it is back on the table now.
    I know I need to change but to what? A positive attitude is next to impossible for me now and the more I am just paralyzed by feelings of hopelessness and overwhelmed the longer the list of things to do just piles up and the vicious cycle continues.
    I try so hard each day thinking it will be the day where I am not so scared, where I smile or perhaps say "I can do this" or even "I want to do this".
    I don't know that there is anything anyone can say but I am writing this out anyways. I have been coming on lately to try and help others which probably seems crazy but I know that I care and don't want others to hurt. I should mention that on the backdrop of all this I have MS so any thoughts of the future have to include allowances for my being disabled. So if I seem bent on being negative it is because the depression and sadness aside the prospect of having to move in with family that does not want to deal with me emotionally simply because I can not care for myself is depressing itself.
    Well thanks for your kind words all of you, I took some meds last night to just simply knock myself out so I would not have to deal with the thoughts which seems to be a common occurrence these days.
    I don't know what I would do if I didn't have SF I really don't. I know a lot of what helps us through a crisis is just not acting on our thoughts and giving a bit of time for things to shift just enough to see our world a bit differently so I hope that happens for me. I hate posting about feeling so down as I know I have a lot of love to give to those who are having a hard time too, I hate the way I feel and don't want any others to feel the same way too.
    Sorry for the ramble guys maybe this should be moved to my journal but if you have any tips or advice I sure could use it and thanks again for all the replies.
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