Im 19 years old . My mom just tried to kill herself , she swallowed bunch of pils and is in hospital right now. This is not her first time , first time was when i was 11 years old , she tried to jump of the balcony but i grabbed her leg and she started crying and came down. She later tried to do it with pils but dad or sister called ambulance... Dad and her are always fighting , he is always angry at his life and takes it all on me (mentally) its always my fault.... He was never around when i was growing up and we have 0 communication , she on the other hand was raising me but she was always depressed and it felt like she isnt around either. We are fairly poor , i cant go to university , i dont have job but i want to start over somewhere far away and leave all these problems that are slowing me down, i feel like i have so much to offer to the world but i cant do it all without support. I never had close relationship that lasted it was all either flirt or couple of dates. I pushed all my friends away and im becoming a person i dont recognize or understand. I only see comfort in knowing that im going to die someday and that pain will stop . I dont wanna feel this way , i dont want to blame others for my problems . I wanna spread my wings and fly.