I can't think clearly, my depression is severe and I'm not sleeping. I came out of the hospital three weeks ago after having ECT and felt on cloud nine and unflappable. About a week and a half after being at what is home for now I started not sleeping and going into immobilizing depression. A few years ago I was "only" battling OCD, generalized anxiety and emotional baggage from severe abuse- physical as a kid, emotional as an adult. Depression was rarely an issue, now it is almost constant. Over the years it seems adversities have only worsened or multiplied. Not only am I now constantly dealing with depression my OCD has come to control me and diminish tremendously my quality of life and I've also accumulated serious physical problems. I've seen this where time not only erodes your physical health but psychiatrically there is deterioration and circumstantially there is only loss- loss of loved ones and of autonomy and dignity. I'm living in almost constant despair and fragility. I'm back temporarily with my Father and working with a mental health agency to once again find supported housing. I don't even want to eat or be awake and I'm working with this agency toward a stable future, a future that only seems to get worse. I'm forty one, I feel old, creepy and hopeless. I don't want to face in addition to what I am dealing with physical decline, worsening of my psychiatric afflictions and maybe worst of all- loss of people dear to me. I can't stop feeling I have to go to I hope the next world before this life gets worse.