It seems no one cares about a suicidal person until they die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by anonmn, Feb 19, 2011.

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  1. anonmn

    anonmn Active Member

    Nothing makes friends want to ignore and stay away from a person like them being suicidal. So they kill themselves.


    At best, people who try to get help are dismissed as attention *****s. At worst, they are incarcerated in a mental hospital. So next time when they relapse, they kill themselves instead.


    Finally, a use for the smilies that incessantly dance to the right of the window every time I post.

    I can't appear weak (actually I've realized I think I can only be vulnerable with women I'm romantically interested in, for whatever reason, and none of those people will give me the time of day), so rather than go to someone I've just stopped trying to hide some of the classic signs that I'm suicidal. Mainly on Facebook, since no one wants to see me in person. Texts and calls go unreturned.

    Either no one has noticed or everyone just has my posts on ignore. It's so sad that people can be so ignorant. Maybe I'll delete all my veiled cries for help before I die so they can tell themselves there's nothing they could have done. But if I do, what about the next person who needs help? Will they ignore them, too? I don't know.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    well i will not ignore you i see you and i hear you. I hope you continue to post so others too can give you support Pm me anytime okay if you need to talk. hugs
  3. ronarrr

    ronarrr New Member

    I don't know either I feel the same way. Bottling it up seems easiest
  4. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni


    I'm not wanting to sound like I'm standing up for 'people' but I wonder whether sometimes people find it hard to know what to say/do when we express feelings of depression/suicidal thoughts. That's no excuse for them though because ignoring it does not help! Maybe they fear they'll make things worse.. or get it wrong etc. so maybe they think that ignoring it and leaving it to someone else to reply to would be easier.

    But they don't seem to think of the knock on effect of not responding to someone's cries for help. To be totally ignored is very painful indeed and sometimes it isn't what they say in response that makes the difference, it's just the fact that they responded, they care. (in my experience anyway!)

    I wonder whether it would help to express what you need from people when you reach out to them? So for example if you say "please can you give me a hug" (or whatever, that's just an example) so that they know how they can help you? It's annoying having to spell things out sometimes but hopefully that'll help get the help/support you need.

    Not sure if that makes sense
    Jenny x
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    People ignore people in pain when they cannot deal with their own pain...the people I thought would be most attentive now that I am ill are ones who have not called in 6 add to the pain, all of them are health care providers who deal with sick and dying people daily...I think they need me to be the strong one as I was before, and do not know how to approach me like this...either way, it hurts, and I know exactly what you are saying...if I had the energy, I would like to shake them and tell them that this is the time to step up, but I do not want their attention under those conditions...there are so many ppl here who can relate to what you have said..please PM me if you need a reminder that there are ppl who care...big hugs and glad you are with us, J
  6. emerging

    emerging Guest

    Yeah, it makes sense to me. I wish I wouldn't have to spell things out to people either, but sometimes you just have to. Most people are very uncomfortable dealing with someone depressed and suicidal, I think they're not sure what to do. Pep talks, tough my opinion the best thing is offer to help you, but most importantly acknowledge your feelings. The worst is to undermine your suicidal feelings, because in my experience that only makes me feel worse and more guilty and ashamed. I was talking to a friend recently and finally he just asked me straight up, "What do you need from me?" That turned out to be the best thing he could have said. Honestly, people are not mind readers...and even when we know we need some love and hugs and reassurance, it's hard to ask for it sometimes because we feel so worthless....

    Does any of that make sense?

  7. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    Yes it totally makes sense.. I find it incredibly hard to say what I need. For me I fear that I would put my needs 'out there' and then they'd still be ignored/not met.. to me that would be 10 times more painful, having actually said what I want/need and still not getting it, argh.

    On Friday one of my friends also asked me outright how best she could support me. It was strange because it made me actually sit back and think what she could do.. it was good because i felt like i had some say in it, some control. We came up with things together and it felt good. That's actually why I mentiond this in my first reply to you above, because it was fresh in my mind from my friend on Friday.

    But yes totally sucks that we have to ask outright what we need. If only people were mindreaders, it would be so much easier! I guess though we need to take responsibility for what we need and risk the consequences if we still don't get what we need. And yes totally hard to admit that we have needs and have a right to have those needs met.. it's so difficult because i struggle with knowing that i deserve this, i feel worthless and therefore have no right to say "i need this and this". I'd much rather hide away in the corner of the room and not have needs, but that's not really realistic and could be part of the reason why i'm feeling this way in the first place!

    Anyway, tt's good to know i'm not alone with this so thank you for posting about it (although sorry you feel this way too!) :) x
  8. Lizzieni

    Lizzieni Well-Known Member

    Totally agree! Good at least to know others experience this.
  9. TakeThisLife

    TakeThisLife Active Member

    I agree with this post!
    My therapist who is supposed to be helping me talks to me about wanting attention! It gets me so angry! I don't even tell people in person how I feel, I don't even tell people who know me in real life that I have tried to kill myself or that I plan to, so how an I wanting attention if no one knows anything is wrong anyway
    My friends just think I am fine, and so do my family

    Hate how the people that do know what is wrong really don't care, and I feel that the only day they will care is at the persons funeral! Wish people cared more!
    Totally agree with you!
  10. warrabinda

    warrabinda Well-Known Member

    i've been on both sides of the fence. multiple times.

    as someone who's a bystander or friend it's exhausting. granted, the girl i'm thinking about used suicide as a threat so many times... i stopped believing her. she's still alive.

    and a lot of the time the reaching out for help is overwhelming - the need is always there. no matter how much support you give, it's like a leaky cup. the worst is when people learn to rely on others. sometimes we haver to be tough and its up to the individual to learn to self soothe.

    really i have never voiced my suicidal ideation in proper to anyone simply because i can't expect another person to save me. it's unfair. it's undignified. yeah i get that when you're in that amount of pain dignity is a non issue for most of us. but it's more about caring about that person in the way you hope they care for you back.
  11. Stained

    Stained Member

    idk if most people have had to deal with a dear friend whos suicidal or on the brink, i have. my best friend that i dearly loved she was like a copy of me ifi was a girl was on the brink and i felt helpless. it was hard and difficult to help her, i saw what she was going through and i knew how it felt. some people probly couldnt help you if you completely spilled to them
  12. anonmn

    anonmn Active Member

    I feel the same way about openly admitting to being suicidal. I feel it's unkind to place that burden on someone. No matter how you word it, it's a suicide threat. Then if you kill yourself later anyway, that person feels that they failed.

    I don't think there's a risk of me coming to rely on others. I'm a goddamned Marine (incidentally, we have the highest suicide rate in the U.S. military). I don't even like letting people know I'm sad. I've been through so much shit all by myself I've come to wonder if I'm unbreakable, no matter how close to suicide I get.

    Then again, there are thing I've done during this episode that I've never done before. Preparation things. And one morning I went to end it but my garage door chose that exact moment to break and I couldn't lift it with my bum hip. I needed to leave for my plan. If I believed in God I'd call it intervention. It seemed more to me like the universe keeping me here for more torment.

    On another topic, there are a lot of therapists out there. Some good, some bad. Some actually try to get you angry as part of your therapy. I think that runs the risk of your patient bailing out, but it is something some of them do. Some are good, but the way they practice isn't a good fit for you.

    My point is, if your therapist isn't working with you in the way you'd like them to, you have the right to tell them so or fire them. It's a business relationship. They aren't your friend. They're being paid to provide a service. You need to take care of yourself, not make your therapist happy.

    I've personally fired two.
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