but damn it, it does. The big things dont even matter anymore. The little things just keep doing me in just fine. Spent such a long time replying, a 2 part reply to boot, to a pm. Finally forced myself to open up a bit. Answered a few others and even a recipe to a visitor message, then deleted them all after they were sent. then find the thread saying "if you are reading this thread you are still on the old site and all posts will be lost." I get here to see those pms still in my box so yep the replies are lost. right away confirms all my beliefs as to just how unimportant my feelings are. My explanations are. How unimportant I am. Everytime I really make an effort to let someone in or understand me I get hurt. Just like this. Yeah not important to most. "how frickin stupid can you be to let something like that set you off? "but it happens time and time and time and time again!!!!!!!! The pdoc, the mental health worker my family, my friends... feels like everyone!!!!!!!! Now here too. I know it's no ones fault. But I take the blame none the less. And it hurts. I'm sitting so close to the edge. It is so very dangerous from where I am at the moment. Then this. Im too suicidal to even bother writing the reply again. To put "me" out there to have it for nothing. I'm nothing. No I'm not any better!!!!!!!!!! I'm so suicidal it mentally and physically hurts!!!!!!! And I keep trying to reach out why????????????? I give up. Dont even waste the time trying to explain me to me. I know me and I know my feelings are unimportant and I know that everyone tried and i know i didnt reach out hard enoughj and i know my problems cant be fixed and I know i dont even have a frickin decent computer it's so old it even screws me over and i know it's all little things and I know I know I know.....dl;tjawpejotnfklasdnf;.....I give up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You've got to be kidding right???? Figure ok needto calml down so go to arcade. get message.... adminstration soemting or other for your user group. translation cant get into arcade. I kno I know just a glitch but a glitch at the absolute wrong time. This is exactly waht i mean ...makes me feel not important. I recognize i need to calm down not give in to the thoughts and utges but damn it not important enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 I am so over the edge and cant fix it alone and cant fix it here i CANT FIX IT this thread will probably disappear too and right now i feel nothing more than like i need to disappera too.