It shouldnt hurt....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by itmahanh, Dec 16, 2009.

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  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    but damn it, it does. The big things dont even matter anymore. The little things just keep doing me in just fine.

    Spent such a long time replying, a 2 part reply to boot, to a pm. Finally forced myself to open up a bit. Answered a few others and even a recipe to a visitor message, then deleted them all after they were sent.

    then find the thread saying "if you are reading this thread you are still on the old site and all posts will be lost." I get here to see those pms still in my box so yep the replies are lost.

    right away confirms all my beliefs as to just how unimportant my feelings are. My explanations are. How unimportant I am. Everytime I really make an effort to let someone in or understand me I get hurt. Just like this. Yeah not important to most. "how frickin stupid can you be to let something like that set you off? "but it happens time and time and time and time again!!!!!!!! The pdoc, the mental health worker my family, my friends... feels like everyone!!!!!!!! Now here too.

    I know it's no ones fault. But I take the blame none the less. And it hurts.
    I'm sitting so close to the edge. It is so very dangerous from where I am at the moment. Then this. Im too suicidal to even bother writing the reply again. To put "me" out there to have it for nothing. I'm nothing.

    No I'm not any better!!!!!!!!!! I'm so suicidal it mentally and physically hurts!!!!!!! And I keep trying to reach out why????????????? I give up. Dont even waste the time trying to explain me to me. I know me and I know my feelings are unimportant and I know that everyone tried and i know i didnt reach out hard enoughj and i know my problems cant be fixed and I know i dont even have a frickin decent computer it's so old it even screws me over and i know it's all little things and I know I know I know.....dl;tjawpejotnfklasdnf;.....I give up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    You've got to be kidding right???? Figure ok needto calml down so go to arcade. get message.... adminstration soemting or other for your user group. translation cant get into arcade. I kno I know just a glitch but a glitch at the absolute wrong time. This is exactly waht i mean ...makes me feel not important. I recognize i need to calm down not give in to the thoughts and utges but damn it not important enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 I am so over the edge and cant fix it alone and cant fix it here i CANT FIX IT this thread will probably disappear too and right now i feel nothing more than like i need to disappera too.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 16, 2009
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: Those PM's should still get to where they're going. Things are pretty crazy between the old site and the new site, but last night I sent a PM through the old site and it still went.

    I'm so sorry all this is happening to you. Just wanted you to know that your feelings ARE important!!!
  3. leeone

    leeone Member

    Hand in there. Were all with you
  4. deferred dream

    deferred dream Well-Known Member

    I understand how frustrating technology can be, it can be the straw that breaks the camel's back sometimes. Try to stay strong through it and know that this will pass. We're here with you and for you.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Sis,
    Hang in there..This change will be over in a couple of days..It's not you..You do matter to alot of us.. You can PM any of us and find support there..You already know how much you are loved here at the forum..Just calm down and be patient..Your my little sis and you mean alot to me.. We have been thru quite a bit together..And I am always here for you!! Love You, Bro
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Yup i hate technology too but updates have to be done You are important and i am glad to see you reaching out in PMs Please know that. When all this techno stuff gets figured out things will be back to normal again please hang in okay keep talking to us here Always there for you okay stay strong :mortdesinos: that is to technology for now but it does have it good points i met so many people that care because of it. sending you support always:hugtackles::rose:
  7. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    You mean so much...

    G-d I hate the technical annoyances also, but it is what they trigger in me when things get crazy... that is the worst... and that isn't a small thing

    When I don't respect my feelings and calll them stupid is when I go over the top.

    Your feelings matter and thank you for sharing them! You are cared about alot...even in your pain you have helped me to see I am not alone, when things are overwheling and I just want to end it all- not from the details but from the pain they bring to the forefront.... The pain that seems unbearable

    But - you can take it, even tho it hurts - and you will be even stronger....

    Please keep posting and hang on - I don't think you can even realize how many people you have touched...

    Thank you :hug:
  8. sincredibly

    sincredibly Member

    Hey there Sister..

    It is said and believed by many that all of Creation is equal.. and if this is so than all individuals experiences are also equal meaning no one is any greater/different than any other one.. We are simply at different "points" in our experiences.. So many of us have forgotten this simple concept and to once again begin to embrace this so many insecurities and issues seem to fade away..

    It can be hard and I am no adept at this point that's for sure... but it is possible and we all have the ability at any time to shift our perspective to that of a more positive one..

    You are Loved by SO many, know that for it is true...

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