it started

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by White Dove, Aug 22, 2007.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    It started..

    my car that is.

    im outta here.

    take care everyone...

    Will i be back?

    do not know...... Can not say really.. its just that the time and oppertunity is right for me.. no bull about it.. cant pass it up.. just cant..

    its not like it really matters anyhow , right???

    We are all really just people who are in pain and it needs to stop , well it does for me.. i have let everything go ... i let them all go and now i am numb inside my heart... cant really help when i am numb..

    so i may be back and i may not guess it all depends upon just how good a luck i will have with it....

    To those that know me and have scanners just keep your ears open and when you here of a 1046 and it comes back to me just know that i succeed in it...

    At least i can finally be free... you know anna wanted to come and see me but i went camping and tried to end it but was unable to now i hear that she did it so perhaps me not being here has lead to her doing it..??? I did not want to cause anyone to take their own life and i am such a bad person because i could not be here for her, well anna i hope you found the peace you needed cause i am coming right behind you hun..

    i have let everything go now..

    the Daltons they are out of my life and heart almost all the way now and this cancer i still having trouble on accepting it and dont want it so if i am gone before i get sicker then i dont have to accept it ,

    it really is the best ...
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 22, 2007
  2. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Susan...please don't do it! You say Anna (bless her heart) wanted to come and see you so you are thinking of using this a part of your reason for going? Who knows if you will just perpetrate the same kind of thing? Who knows how bad people will be hurt by your own suicide? Don't make that mistake. Stay here...go to the cancer center and let us help you for crying out loud! Of course it matters. YOU matter!
  3. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    Well, I am sorry about Anna too. Cause it hit me real hard when I received that email from her roommate herself Kelly. It totally ruined my day when I got the news that she died. But I knew she probably won't make it though she was brought to the hospital and in a coma. I miss her too you know? I am not sure how to say it, but I wish I can PM you the way I used to. Hope you reconsider, now that you got a hospice to get into, I really want you to live. I am not sure how am I supposed to take it if you do it too, cause I have lost too many good things in life already. Take care and please think about it. :hug:
  4. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I can't believe Anna is gone.:sad::sad::sad:
  5. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    I truly feel it was my fault peanut..

    my fault because i was trying to find time to take my life and couldnt be here to chat with her...

    if i was here then maybe she would still be here..

    nobody will be hurt by my suicide and even if they were then they would finally understand later on that i did it to stop myself from more pain... This cancer is going to get worse , not better .. everyone knows that..

    would you rather know that i died by suicide instead of suffering? Come on , when an animal is suffering rather it be a deer or a dog hit by a car.. they put them down so they wont suffer... Why are we suppose to be any different then them.. we both breathe the same air , we both drink water, we both have blood , we both have hearts and lungs , ... If its wrong for us then it should be wrong to kill them...

    I didnt die last night this time it was my chopice to wait... nothing stopped me physically.. i stopped myself because my nieces wanted me to take them to church this coming sunday for a dinner and i had made a promise to them that i would so i just got some beer and came back home and went to bed cause when i make a promise i tend to stick with it no matter what , and besides that method probably would only put me in much more worser shap then what i am in now and not work but the method i have planned is still very much avaliable cause i still got the stuff and that amount will not have any chance of me surviving at all , especially by the time i am found.. i have picked out a perfect spot that will take others a long time to find me..

    However , this labor day weekend that is coming up , my nieces , along with my brother and dad are going camping.. i refussed to go with them.. told them i wanted to be alone so i can do what needs to be done... It will happen soon..
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