My boy kitty is getting worse, he has a terminal kidney disease, my kitties are what keeps me going through all the shit that is life. Vets is closed so have given him water with a syringe, he is booked in tomorrow. I am so scared of losing him. I am so fed up of everything. I always feel that nomatter what I do I am just watching other people getting happier and more of what they want in life while my little company keeps been taken from me. One ex just got engaged, two best friends who I only now have contact with online/phone just got together with the partner of their dreams. Of course I am happy for them but they were always the ones who were more like me and it somehow makes me feel more alone, how selfish is that! I just find couples hard to deal with as they seem so alien and another two mates just got together. All three couples say they want to visit me soon and although I would love to see them it will mean feeling like the third wheel, which can make you feel more lonely than being alone, and dividing time between their time and time with me. Sort of annoys me too that I ask them to come over and over and they only decide to when it means a holiday for them as a new couple. The one friend I don't feel like that as she has visited lots before and the only reason she hasn't lately is she couldn't afford it, the chap is treating her, she is great and am happy for her. I have never taken any meds, I asked my doctor for some two years ago, which took a lot of courage and he refused to give me anything and been too scared to ask again. My friends tell me I should see a therapist which again I have been too scared due to bad experiences before. I just found a psychologist and sent her an email, took so much strength, even writing that made me cry. Is that who I should see? I don't even know the difference between all the different types. Each day feels worse.