It suddenly dawned on me today

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by A Self Made Loser, Nov 7, 2007.

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  1. A Self Made Loser

    A Self Made Loser Active Member

    When I was sitting in college in one of my classes, we were going over basic maths for refreshing purpose and everybody in the class was moaning at how easy it all was and that it was a waste of time. I sat there quietly dumbfounded (as I normally do) because I didn't know any of it. All theses formulars and numbers all over the place, I panic and just listen to how everyone was working out the questions with ease. I realised no matter how hard I work I am always going to fail at everything and be as dumb as I was as a kid. I just can't seem to change that, just the way I was born.

    I realised that stupid people like me (and I am not doubt in the minority) wont do well in life, make a difference, get a good job and had a good quality of life like everyone that I know. A lot of my classmates were younger than myself and it was awful to feel that stupid. But as I said before, I have always been way below average and I just can't understand why I can't be like everybody else. Genetics played me a rubbish hand for natural ability. I have had enough with the constant trying and faliures that follow now. Got to find a suitable day to get out of this shell of torture. I hate myself too much now.
     
  2. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    I genuinely don't think that knowing how to do maths or generally do well in school determines how well someone does in their life. I know that parents often place a large emphasis on their children doing well at school, because there is a certain reality in the fact that if you do well then you may be in a better situation to apply for certain jobs, etc.

    However, I have a friend who dropped out of school.. he got a job in the same company as I did (in fact he got me the job!) and the last i heard, he had been promoted and was in Australia for 12 months with his promotion. The fact that he didn't do well at school didn't matter to the company, mostly because he came across well in interview and because he's just a nice, hardworking guy.

    I firmly believe you can make a difference and have a good quality of life, etc. without having an amazing IQ. Despite what some parents/teachers lead us to believe, our lives do not depend on how well we perform at school.. of course it can help to do well at school.. but if only the people who did well at school ever lead a "good life" then we wouldn't have people like David Beckham on the planet!

    What i'm trying to say (in a rambly way) is to not give up.. i bet you are good at something.. it might not be maths.. but you will find your niche in the world.. you can and will make a difference x
     
  3. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    It depends on why you don't do well, I think.

    If you actually WANT TO do well but just don't seem to have the intellect, you can probably make it by focusing on your strengths, rather than your weaknesses. Having the will to succeed will almost always trump everything else. As long as the will is there, you can do it. You just have to find a way around your weak points.

    My problem is different. I have neither the will nor the intellect. I have a very limited ability to learn and no will to learn even if I had the intellect.
     
  4. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    Just having will power & intellect(unless you are an Einstein) doesnt help these days, there is cut throat competition today in the job market and if you are not street smart then you are pretty much a goner. I can already see so many students with poor grades who landed up in great jobs just because they had a good personality and social skills.
     
  5. Random

    Random Well-Known Member


    Well, that's kind of what I mean. If you have the will, you can work to your strengths and you don't necessarily have to be an Einstein. Having (or being perceived to have) a good personality and social skills are two major strengths that can easily overcome learning disabilities. Yes. Competition is higher than it used to be.

    What I was saying was that if you actually want to be successful, you can probably eventually do it. It might take you a bit longer and you might have to work harder and deal with a lot of BS, but you'll eventually pull through. You might not be wildly successful. You may not be a billionaire or a multimillionare but you can probably make a decent, relatively comfortable life for yourself.

    I was comparing this to my situation. I don't even have the will. I'm pretty dumb as far as book smarts go but I'm "street smart" enough to know how things work.
     
  6. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Stupidity is a decision. The brain is a powerful organ, if you constantly tell yourself you aren't intelligent and you can't do it, that everyone else is much smarter than you and always have been then it's certainly going to seem that way. I say this because I had the same issue entering college, math was by far the hardest and the simplest concepts escaped me. The person who sat next to me at the time did nothing but talk during class and sleep with random men outside of class and still managed to pull B's. Another friend tried to explain it to me and was appalled that I hadn't even internalized the concepts we learned in high school. You can bet I felt pretty stupid not even understanding the assignments.

    You aren't stupid, the problem with math is it is like a pyramid that builds on the basic concepts and works its way up into more difficult areas. Believe me, I know what it's like, how confusing all that crap looks and how hopeless it seems. If you want to learn it, look at the area you're learning and start at the bottom of the ladder and work your way up. Taking a class works much better than trying to learn it on your own, but if learning it on your own is the only option you'll have to make do.

    Just take it seriously, any half-assed effort isn't going to work. Set up the goals you want achieved and plan how you're going to do it, then do so.
     
  7. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry. I know you were trying to give helpful advice here but that's probably the most insulting thing you could possibly say. It's the equivalent of asking someone what their problem is and plugging your ears when they try to tell you. And then unplugging your ears and asking them again.

    People do know their own limitations. They have an intimate relationship with them. You can only speak for your own experiences. See, I've tried all the things you suggested.....repeatedly. It didn't work. I have a lot of common sense but my mind doesn't cope well with complexities. I can "start at the bottom of the ladder" a thousand times and I'll always get stuck at the same part and can't go any further. If it's something like math, as I'm sure you know, you can't just skip the part you can't get or the rest makes no sense.

    If the method you described worked for you, great. Not everyone is the same. It won't work for everyone. Just about every one of us who have these problems have been told many times by many people "I did it. Why can't you?" or "If I can do it, so can you". This is a fundamental misunderstanding. What those people are actually doing is refusing to listen or accept that a problem even exists. Learning disabilities exist. And while "stupid" might not be the most PC term to use for those of us afflicted with them, it doesn't mean they should be ignored or that we should pretend everyone has the same capacity to learn. That's just patently false. It's depressing, yes. But reality often is. And that is why every one of us is here.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 7, 2007
  8. usernamesake

    usernamesake Member

    im in no position to provide any kind of emotional support to you on this right now coz im a wreck myself. but even though im horribly troubled and in a very crucial moment...your msg made me smile and break into tears coz i see myself so much in what u write. I have always been labeled dumb, stupid, etc...always been below average. funny thing is that i went on to doing my Masters ..of science!! and my grads ceremony is due soon. Maybe it was all luck but only god knows how much i have tried. But people still think it was all fluke..my whole life and its progress was a fluke! i was so happy when i passed my msc ..i told my friends and they were absolutely shocked. they asked me if i had given prof aleen a blowjob. Even my dad told me...'good for you, you must have smiled right at somebody'. no body thinks it was for real, that it was my effort which almost cost me my life because i really struggled for my masters...no body saw that. Some dont have that ability naturally..we must work on it. but if we really want to we can. I did and u can too. u can crack that math. its different if nobody gives u credit for it. that sucks.
    No body believed in me but its sadistic kinda fun trying to prove everyone wrong by just committing to something...even if it means it'll drive u mental and leave you with lesser days to live...Im crazy coz of this ffffn masters course... moving to a new country, a new city new life, strangers and the insane workload and stress of proving people wrong.and when i finally did...it was only brief happiness and nobody wants to give me credit. I murdered my social life because of this i murdered myself because of this and its all for nothing . will it guarantee me a good career? i doubt ...coz im shit with my confidence and wouldnt go for any interview. I did my masters, proved that i can and now i think im going to leave it all behind. isnt life the sweetest fffffnthing . just dont take my exmaple but thing is you can do it. good luck and please dont hate yourself for this. sincere wishes and a prayer out for you............you'll do fine.
     
  9. A Self Made Loser

    A Self Made Loser Active Member

    Reading all theses messages really has put a lump in my throat, thank you all for your replies. I didn't think anybody else would be able to relate to what I was saying and just say what I normally get "Just get on with it" in that cold hearted tone that seem to be the norm in this modern day society, which of course makes me feel guilty for feeling like i'm bottom of society.

    When I was younger I never cared and just did what I could to get by, but years later when I sat amongst my peers who were all laughing and lamenting their brilliance gaining their gcses, a-levels and degrees with ease and having their heads shoved up their own arses, it really started to get to me that I wasn't like anybody else.

    I can mix it up with the best of them in terms of holding political and social issue conversation which affect our everyday lives but when it comes to churning out text book talk and very rigid rules of formula questions on paper, I fall apart time and time again and it just seem like nobody understood me which made me feel isolated and dejected.

    It happen again last night when I was in the pub with two of my friends, they were talking about their good jobs and how one of them was going into studying teaching and master degrees later on in their life, but perhaps first buy a nice place and go away on hol, just being real smug and that their girlfriends were earning tons in the city (very much like my own girlfriend who I moaned at last night on the phone because I was angry at myself and took it out on her as she is no different, half effort and can pass anything and gets all the breaks in life but she did not deserve that venom, I did apologise after) I sat nodding, screaming inside at how much of a loser I was and I that I just didn't deserve to sit with theses guys because of how affluent they are and better than me they are and because I knew anything they do even half the effort they can and will achieve anything.

    My confidence is smashed and has been for years, but after the posts I have just read I'm starting to think I should take back my confidence and self belief and stick two fingers up, (maybe just one) at our elitest back slapping all out for themselves society. Show them all. Life is not a race, it's a marathon, I may not be like anybody else and in the minority but maybe this could give me an edge, being different, having a kinder soul and understanding to others who need support. I am not a bad person, I help people when they ask, I don't smoke, or do drugs ever, hardly drink and never gamble but always feel like I am a terrible person.

    I don't now truly though whether I could believe I can fight for my life yet but this morning and today I feel stronger after those posts.
     
  10. Darken

    Darken Well-Known Member

    yah i know exactly how you feel. ive always felt like i was below the intelligence level i should be at. and it does have to do with genetics, what you are and how your mind works, what your natural capabilities are your home life, social life. It all contributes to how you will turn out, nothing in life is fair balanced or equal. Humans are not all equal haa thats so stupid. I need a better brain and a better body.
     
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