I can't deal with people anymore, I haven't been able to for a while. I can't deal with my friends, family -- anyone, it all hurts to much. But I know I'm in trouble now. Recently I've been taking Vicodin, It's my step dads from when he had surgery and a friend told me that taking it will numb everything -- pain both physical and emotional, and I said I was only going to take it once, but it makes me feel so damn good. It makes everything feel bearable, like I can actually survive. I do know that it's not safe to be taking, but when it starts wearing off ... I don't know, It just makes it so much easier to deal with the pain. And pretty soon I'm afraid someone's going to notices the missing pills, and then what? Ugh -- Sometimes I wish I never started, but the pills make me happy.