TRIGGER WARNING I went out to celebrate my new job with my old boss, a man who was almost a father to me. We drank. I thought I was safe. I didn't know where we were going when he put me in a cab. When I woke up I could barely see, but I was naked and felt pain between my legs. I tried to say, "Well I don't know what happened. It could have been drunk sex. I could have started something," but in my heart I knew I was trying to avoid what I really felt. That next morning was one of the heaviest days of my life. I didn't know what to do. He was still my boss for the next two months. His brother was my roommate. He offered to take me to a party, and I accepted. I wanted to believe we could have our old relationship back. He took advantage of me while I was drunk. I didn't consent, but I didn't fight it. I passed out half-way through, but the next morning he told me he loved me. He told all of our mutual friends, who were the people I loved more than anything, that I was his girlfriend. That I loved him. So many people told me they were glad that he found a "girl like me," because he was a "nice boy" who deserved the best. I felt like I was disappearing. My new life had built itself without me, and there was nothing for me to do. When my best friend found out (she was much closer to the boss, and also viewed him as a father), she was naturally upset. She didn't know my side of things, and I never told her. I didn't want to ruin her relationship with the boss. I wanted her to have the father figure I lost. I loved her more than anything. She was my sister, and my guide. When I knew her I was never lonely, because I was always with her in my heart. She lives in another country now. She made me promise to write to her. I didn't. I cut her out. The weight of my secret was too much to bear, and I couldn't talk to her because I knew she viewed me differently after what happened with him. When I wrote to her to apologize, to tell her everything, to tell her that I still think of the stories I could tell her about my life, she didn't respond. I am like a sickness. I bring this disease of unhappiness to everyone I know.