So tonight, I got into quite the argument with my family. There was a lot of screaming and tons of blaming and guilt tripping. Of course. And when it all became too much, I ended up cutting myself. I was seriously disappointed because before tonight, I was able to be SI Free since February 3. And this time, when I boiled over, I needed more than just a small scrape to satisfy myself. It's terrible. I know. And I'm working on getting some help. But my problem wasn't just the relapse. Without going into much detail, I'll explain what happened. Recently, I've kept my SI activity on my legs. So, I had my pants pulled down to my mid thigh and my mom came in. She knocked so I was able to turn so she couldn't see but when she came in, she seen that I was in an awkward moment and closed the door. She gave me a second and came back in to ask me what I was doing. When she asked, I was like, "I wasn't doing anything." And before I could say anything else, she asked, "Are you a cutter?" And so, knowing that she'd be able to find out easily if she asked me to show her my leg, I said, "Yeah." Then she asked, "How long have you been doing that?" And I answered, "Since I was 9." She seemed very surprised, and why wouldn't she be? Because of my parents fighting when I was a kid and the divorce she went through when I was a teen, how was she supposed to notice? Recently, my cutting has been getting worse....causing scars to form up and down my legs. I know she's seen them. I think she's asked about them once, but that was after they were already old scars. She might have thought that I was beyond all that now and started to look the other way. But anyways, before leaving my room, she asked what I used to make the cuts. All I could do was start to cry and tell her to mind her own business. I told her to stop asking questions and leave me alone. She did what I asked, but that just left me really empty and alone. What was I expecting her to do? Rush me to the hospital? Lock me away? Hold me until I could stop crying? I don't know. Maybe just something other than leaving me there to feel ashamed and lonely in my room. So here I am. Face first into a SI relapse. I know that the next time I'm overwhelmed with some pent up issues, it's going to be really hard to stop myself. Once I get in the habit and routine of cutting, it's really hard for me to stop. I'm going to keep trying, but sometimes, it's easier to just cut.