it was six months ago yesterday that i lost her

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by silverhalo, Jul 11, 2007.

  1. silverhalo

    silverhalo Active Member

    Weird feeling that half a year has passed me by without vivienne,god only knows how im still here and how i mangage to get by each min/hour/day/week/month.
    I can only put it down to having my kids need me even more now and maybe my wife being around me letting me sleep at night and helping me eat during my waking hours because if i wasnt doing any of these things i too would be gone or nearly gone by now.
    I have now come to terms with at least my wifes illnesses (bulimia and post natal deppression) that lead her mind to believe that she couldnt go on anymore, i will never come to terms that she has gone and gone in the manner that she did but i shall live with it and live with the pain that at times is overwhelming in my inner soul.
    This is my pain to carry with me until it subsides or finds a corner of mind that it can sit quietly for days or maybe even months at times before pooping out of me like the little creature from the film ALIEN.
    Just now there are no lights at the end of the tunnel only bridges i need to burn like guilt.
    My wife was totaly against suicide and more so if kids were involved but sadly something snapped that day and the illnesses that she had kept at bay took over for one last attack on her undernourished brain.
    One day i will talk to her again even though she is missing from my dreams now and in the words form another ridlay scott movie
    One day we shall meet again but not yet, not yet.
    Paul xx
  2. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry to hear about what's happened to you Paul,here if you ever want to talk.
  3. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member


    That was written with such sadness and your feelings came across very intensly keep going and im sure your wife is around you in some way proud of your outlook and determination
    keep safe pm anytime:hug:
  4. sarahg

    sarahg Well-Known Member

    hi silver
    hugs to u
    u have done so well
    here to support u ok
  5. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    your words of pain are right.
    one day, you will.
    stand strong!!
  6. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Live and learn.

    One day you will meet again.
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Postpartum depression has a way of leaving someone so overwhelmed that they are unable to think clearly. It is something that needs to be carefully monitored. many people with this illness do end up attempting. It is sad that it had to hit you and your family. It is sad that it has to touch the lives of any family. The birth of a child is supposed to brin joy into your lives, not a sadness as well. Six months is not all that long a time to grieve the loss of a loved one. There are so many firsts in that initial year. First brthdays, first holidays, first anniversaries, just so many. The second year, the numbness starts to wear off. Things are still very difficult to face, but a few things do ease up. Each succeeding year becomes just a little easier. The pain of the loss never goes away, but it does get to the place you can accept it and feel a little more at peace with things. Enjoy your children and keep their mothers memory alive for them. establish traditions you do in memory of the good times with her. It may be lighting a candle on her birthday, or eating her favorite meal or dessert. At Christmas perhaps decorating the tree with an ornament that was special to her. There are things that would mean something to you that I have no idea of. You choose. Take care silverhalo. :hug:
  8. LiverpoolFTW

    LiverpoolFTW Guest

    Things do get easier. But its never going away, i think you know that. Take care mate.