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It wasn't quite fool proof.

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by sTEPHbUD, Dec 29, 2009.

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  1. sTEPHbUD

    sTEPHbUD Member

    The 19th of November wasn't going to be an ordinary day. I got up early, and caught the 7:30 bus, the first time about 3months. I had to go to the supermarket, but still be to school on time. I brought some pills and continued on the journey to school. I took them when I was alone, although not all of them - I started gagging on them before I was finished. I then returned to my 'friends' and pretended like everything was fine - and it was until I started throwing up walking to form, although they were stupid and didn't realize why I was throwing up a white powder, they just thought it was cool I was projectile vomiting. Somehow, I choose the day I had an appointment with my school counselor to do it. So at 9AM. I was sitting in his room, apologizing in advance if I vomited. He asked "why I would be vomiting" I just told him I don't know. I wasn't telling anyone - No one was going to know, I was going to go through with his. Anyway, some of the girls who had seen me throw up who are also sorta friends I suppose came back about 5 minutes later and said they needed to speak to my counselor and it was important. When he came back in he started questioning me, he had somehow found out I'd overdosed. Finally I caved and said yes I had but who cares. He rung the office and told them to ring an ambulance - the office lady thought he was kidding. I ended up throwing up in the garden outside our office while yelling like crazy at the school counselor to give me water cause the vomit was also coming out of my nose.

    Anyway. Fast forward to the hospital. After about 3hours of vomiting they put a drip in my arm - I'm terrified of needles. They stuffed that up, took three attempts to get blood. The came back petrified that I'd somehow only just managed to take below the maximum dosage that they can treat with some antidote stuff. I was only disappointed I hadn't take all the pills. I got admitted. Had some stupid nurse try to help me go to the toilet. And then after the antidote had apparently worked - Which annoyed me to no end I was transferred to the oh so not wonderful loony bin. Although it was a children's hospital so it wasn't really bad, and most of the girls were there for various OD's or other attempted suicide attempts. One for an eating disorder, and one was just crazy. But this lead to a further downward spiral. I spent the first three days - which was Friday/Saturday/Sunday not eating, not talking to anyone, not getting off my bed. I was in the foulest mood. And got angry at anything. They wouldn't give me medication for my nausea when they were allowed to. Aholes.

    While I was in the psych ward my mum found out I'd been using laxatives, had been purging, had been self harming, and a heap of other stuff. In response to this I ignored her, yelled at her, and wouldn't look at her for half the time I was there - I was going more insane being there.

    The day the psychiatrist came to talk to me to assess me I lost it at him. I broke down, yelled stuff, told him he was fat and old. Cussed everyone, Cussed the hospital even. Needless to say, I was told I was going to 'be staying a few more days' which just set me off more.

    Moral off the story - I got discharged my mother took all of my razors, my laxatives, made me eat meals in front of her, tried to monitor me for purging. I haven't cut since the 18th November - I'm so desperate to start, but I'm scared what will happen if I get caught. I haven't tried suicide since, only because I'm scared of going back to that place if I fail. Which is unlikely; my plan is fool proof next time. And I'm sure as hell not happy I survived.
  2. Disappear

    Disappear Well-Known Member

    :hug: I dunno, but I'd like to go to hospital like that myself. At least your mum now knows, right? Could be the help you need.
  3. sTEPHbUD

    sTEPHbUD Member

    I'm not getting any help. My mum didn't know about any of it before, so she thinks half the stuff she's heard is a lie. She thinks I'm perfectly fine and this was a "one off" thing. She thinks I cut once. She thinks I'm fine with eating even though I had a shitload of laxatives in my room. I tried getting help, I tried to get put on meds. It all failed.
  4. jhhop

    jhhop Well-Known Member

    I feel for you. If you need more than your mum can offer can you talk to any social group or church? I'm not good at helping people and usually don't try but you seem like you want some help and you seem about the age of my oldest boy.
  5. sTEPHbUD

    sTEPHbUD Member

    I'm not a member of an social or church groups. I barely even go out to see friends. I'm fifteen btw.
  6. jhhop

    jhhop Well-Known Member

    You're the same age as my second son. I haven't seen him in 3 years. I'm so worried for my kids over this same stuff.
    If it's not to personal, why did you try to OD? Your so young, I guess I should think back and realize that I had a pretty hard time at your age. Being older and a father of kids your age has changed my perspective so much. Knowing your suffering really makes me worry for you.
    I know that just being able to talk with someone if you want can mean alot.
    If you can't talk to someone here can you maybe try one of the following?

    Samaritan Organisations / Suicide prevention
    Albany Samaritan Befrienders
    P. O. Box 991
    ALBANY WA 6330
    Tel: 08 98 422776

    Lifelink Samaritans Inc.
    P.O. Box 228
    Tasmania 7250
    Tel: 03 63 31 3355
    Website: http://www.lifelinksamaritans.org

    The Samaritans Perth
    60 Bagot Road
    WA 6008
    Tel: 08 93 81 5555
    Youthline: 08 93 88 2500
    Freecall Countryline: 1800 198 313
    TTY: 08 93 82 8822
    Website: http://www.thesamaritans.org.au

    Lifeline (Australia Wide)
    24 hrs

    For children / youth:-
    Youth Helpline (For kids any age up to 18, abuse, suicide, drug probs etc)
    24 hrs / Australia wide
    Tel: 1800 55 1800
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 30, 2009
  7. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    I did an OD once and ended up throwing up in the hospitals garden and had a drip in my arm for the whole day and throwing up the whole night. The next day the hospital wouldn't let me go until the CAT team came. Then the CAT team came and because I made a joke, they said, I wasn';t depressed and could go. They said they couldn't help me.
  8. sTEPHbUD

    sTEPHbUD Member

    Thank you for taking the time to give me the numbers. Although I already have them, and several more from during my stay in the psych ward.
    Why did I OD; I was already depressed. I'd thought about it previously but in a "it would be nice" but I wasn't serious - I was too chicken shit. But anyway. I was having a really rough time, and I got into a 'best friend' at the time (We are not longer friends) told me to go scar my legs and to go kill myself during one of our arguments. And because I'd already had enough I just did. I suppose in a way, it was an excuse to do it, it made me 'not chicken shit'
  9. Colourful

    Colourful Well-Known Member

    That's messed up...I know what it's like though. I wasn't diagnosed or given any real help for 4 years because I appear 'fine' in front of therapists.
  10. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    im 16, and help just doesnt seem to be too great for teens, my first app with a psyc was rubbish so destroyed any hopes for me :hug: have u tried talking to ur GP?
  11. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    I'm surprised that you tried to kill yourself at your age. I know it happens, but I don't see why teens would want to kill themselves when they haven't even experienced most of what life has to offer. All they know of is school, family, friends and entertainment. Maybe work. You will get out of school and realize how much more there is to life than what you have already experienced. You haven't experienced what great things life has to offer, and yet you want to be finished with it? That's like buying your favourite drink, taking 1 or 2 sips, then throwing it away. What is so bad in your life that you want to kill yourself?
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 31, 2009
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