it will get worse

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by mpang123, Sep 8, 2013.

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  1. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    I am only 44yrs old, but because of all the trauma from past oversoses, ECT and my coma, my memory is getting worse. I wont be surprised if i get worse and it's all my fault. I hope God will forgive me. I have a severe mental illness and it is becoming more obvious. I now have to suffer the consequence. A mind is a terrible thing to waste once you start experiencing the things I'm going through. Take care of yourself.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hope the docs can helpl you hun so your mental health does not worsen hugs
  3. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    I've always took advantage of my mental capacity, when people say how intelligent i am. My mental illness never affected my intelligence and that's why i excelled through college. However, i dont see a bright future considering the rapid progression of my memory loss. I can't do anything about it but cry. I feel so depressed.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    ECT can be a major cause of memory loss, perhaps something to discuss with the doctor that prescribed this treatment. I know someone who had many ECT's and his memory is wickedly bad and he blames the ECT. Don't give said you excelled through college. Hell, I couldn't even manage highschool. Good luck to you whatever you choose to do.
  5. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    I had ECT in2003 and i stopped them after 5 sessions cuz they weren't making me better. At least i was voluntarily, imagine if i was forced to. I really would be a vegetable.
  6. Blacky

    Blacky Well-Known Member

    Don't give up, I'll believe it will get better. Just keep hoping for a brighter day...I know it's hard to believe but that's the only thing that might help...believing :)
  7. GloryGirl

    GloryGirl Member

    oh god i am 35 and i am doing it to myself right now, i am killing myself, what do we do.
  8. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Fu<, I am flattered you want to be my friend as I saw your friendship request. However, I feel I'm the worst person to be your friend for I might be a trigger for you, since I'm so upset right now. I hope that me and you will get through this somehow. I've been dealing with suicidal issues since I was 20 and now I'm 44. It's about time to change but I'm stuck. I encourage you to keep venting here as I do. This is one of my life-savers, this forum. It's really my way to let it all out without no threats. I know lately, many of my forum friends are concerned about my safety, but I'm trying really hard to fight those urges. It's not easy. I am really alone in this because it's up to me, ultimately. Somehow I choose to stay around even though I'm in so much pain. My feelings are grave right now. Hope you will feel better than me.
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