it will never end

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Blacksheep, Sep 11, 2007.

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  1. Blacksheep

    Blacksheep Well-Known Member

    i cant get a job cuz im too afraid to talk to people. my mom doenst give a shit. i just want to find a sharp edge and pound my head against it until my brains leak out. then maybe she would finally understand how frustrated i am. i cant even talk to her now. i have the same feelings of fear i get when i talk to a stranger. im completely hopless. im not even safe in my own home. my moms boyfriend calls me a pansy now. she thinks im just using a cop out whenever i try to tell her what is wrong. i cant even express myself. i dont know how. all i can do for the rest of my days is sit here and rot away in silent agony.
  2. Blacksheep

    Blacksheep Well-Known Member

    i cant even kill myself. im too afraid of what people would say about me if i survived. they would probably just lock me up in a padded cell somewhere...where all of the surfaces are rounded off and padded and all of my food is served with plastic spoons that either wont break or are too soft to cut. i wouldnt have any shoe laces or neck ties or belts or pencils or pens or paper. and if i refused to eat tehy would just tie me down and force feed me. and i would want to kill every last one of them. i would want to bash thier heads in the dirt until not even thier dental records could identify them. no open caskets. no autopsy. then maybe they could put me in a regular prison and execute me. aw taht would be sweet.
  3. Blacksheep

    Blacksheep Well-Known Member

    or maybe i could get a gun and shoot at people until the police arrived. then i would shoot at tehm and they would be forced to kill me. and if thier shots didnt kill me i would kill them until they killed me. but they would probably use tear gas or some such shit to take me in and i would be put away.
  4. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    i know what you are feeling all to well

    heck my own boss told me litterly what can you do? like im stupid or something..

    want to chat a few , pm me and i would love to chat with you, let you know what all has happened with me..
  5. Blacksheep

    Blacksheep Well-Known Member

    at least you are lucky enough to have a boss to make you feel like shit. i am doing this to myself...know what thats like? i doubt it.
  6. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    erm.. i dont have a boss anymore...

    just worked a couple days, bucket slipped and i got burnt , then when i return back i get told well what can you do??? duhhhh.. whatever you want me to do....

    heck it dont matter to me anyhow now cause im dying of cancer anyway and God is taking me away from all this pain.. and those that said things to hurt me will have to answer that to God..
  7. Blacksheep

    Blacksheep Well-Known Member

    if god exists and he is just, he will forgive any wrongs you commited in life. if god exists and he is unjust...then you should not be worshiping him.
    the original is different but that is the jist of it. you should not fear what happens to you in the after life. because it is after life. if you are cursed to eternal is eternal. which makes it nothing. if god excepts you into his house over would not be in paradise, for you would be fearing the fate of the poor soul who is burning for all eternity.
    heaven is hell. hell is heaven.
    if you are indifferent to the fates of those god curses...if you do not care that they are burning in hell...maybe you should be there with them.
  8. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i never said i would be glad if anyone goes to hell..
  9. JustWatchMeChange

    JustWatchMeChange Well-Known Member

    I am sorry if this question is insensitive White Dove, but are you glad you have cancer? I'm not sure how I would feel about that. Sure would be nice to go home though.
  10. Sorrow

    Sorrow Well-Known Member

    I can relate to you about getting a job. I lost my job and know I am too afraid to go out and apply for another one. No one understands. No one even tries to understand. You are not alone in feeling this way. Your mom's boyfriend is wrong to call you names. I wish people would try to be more understanding. It is a really hard and scary way to live. I am here if you need someone to talk to.
  11. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Yo blacksheep, kill your mom's boyfriend for starters. He sounds like a real asshole.

    Better yet, fuck him up so hard, he'll wish he were dead.
  12. gag

    gag Well-Known Member

    I can relate, I'm somewhat avoidant, never used to be, came with the depression.
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