It will never end...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Hurted, Dec 26, 2008.

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  1. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Right now im only mildly depressed, so i should shut up and be happy that im not suicidal... But looking into future... I know that when bad things will happen to me, i will get severe depression or even end up killing myself... I dont know... Im really afraid that this will happen.

    I complain too much... my life isnt that bad and i am happy sometimes... However i can't remember when was the last time when i was really happy... not just normal mood or being happy for a few hours... but real happyness...
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    "Should" is a word you never need. Why should "you shut up and be happy"? Whatever you're feeling is ok, even if you're only mildly depressed, it can still be distressing.
    I don't think this thread was just "complaining." You sound scared and I'm glad you posted.

    Do you have a therapist? If not, maybe you want to get one so that you don't slip into a worse depression and you have someone there in case you start feeling suicidal?

    Why are you so sure this will happen? Do you self sabotage often? Are you afraid when it gets too good you will get scared and bring yourself down to the worst place you can? I know that is common for a lot of people. Being happy can be scarier than being depressed. Depression can be comfortable.
    I don't know if that is your issue. Just guessing and wondering why it scares you so much when it is not how you feel at the moment.

    love you
  3. HOW

    HOW Well-Known Member

    I know exactly how you feel. I know to some certainty that I will not die a natural death but will end up killing myself and that my life will not get better. I didn´t see a therapist yet but plan on doing so pretty soon. I have no experience with any sort of help or medication but I imagine they must help and improve your general mood so why not give it a go too.
  4. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    I don't have therapist. I used to, only for 2 months, but all she did was asking me stupid questions, which often had nothing to do with how i feel. I mean she even didnt asked me why i think im depressed. Pretty ironic, isn't it? I don't think that i need therapist. My depression is weird, sometimes im not sad for longer period, so i would feel like attention seeker.... I dont self sabotage. But looking into future, some things are obvious. Death of parents (they aren't sick, but of course it will have to happen once), breaking up with girlfriend (if i will ever have one)... Those things would make me severely depressed (again). I'm not afraid of being happy. But... this will sound weird, but i want to be depressed. I really dont know why, but this "not happy/not sad mood is really boring and so monotone.

    Thanks for reply :hug:

    Just be shure to seek for a good therapist. Don't be afraid to change him/her if she/he will suck :)
  5. HOW

    HOW Well-Known Member

    What get´s me really pissed off is that I emailed her asking for help and she replied saying I need to phone her. Don´t they understand that some people with anxiety HATE/CANNOT talk on a phone??? So a month later I actually managed to phone her and never got a fucking reply, emailed her as well but didn´t get a reply to that either. Still waiting... I mean I try to get help and no one seems to want to help. Why do I even bother...
  6. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Depression and everything else linked/related to it is a hard cycle to break but just know that your not alone, you have this forum and the user's of this forum for support.
  7. darkrider

    darkrider Well-Known Member

    For the last 5 years i've asked myself when it will end. Reality is it hasn't. It comes and goes in waves. Every time I get really down I log onto this forum. What's slightly worrying is I seem to be logging on more often. Maybe in part it's the only place I can relate with my darkest thoughts. I don't know, what can you do but try. One day maybe I will join the waves in paradise. Until then, later days.
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