it will never end.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by plates, Dec 12, 2010.

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  1. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    ...............................
     
  2. topper

    topper Well-Known Member

    This too shall pass.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    :cheekkiss:cheekkiss
     
  4. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    what's wrong?
     
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    as long as i'm alive, and my heart is beating, my pain will never pass. it will ease as i try to distract myself but it will never pass. i've 2-3 years of horror to know. grief can kill, and it's nearly taken me.
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    grief is the worse one i agree but with grief councilling it can get better it will never go away but it can get easier. I agree it does take a piece of you away though dam grief.
     
  7. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    Grief can be overcome, and I know it seems like it'll never pass, but it can. Are you still seeing your therapist?
     
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Don't give up plates. :hug:
     
  9. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i keep having dreams. i know it's him
    i threw out/tore up some photos from a couple of yrs ago

    i remember him saying something like, "i was just a kid then." this was after a year and i couldn't control a flashback.
     
  10. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    How upsetting for you i hope you are getting therapy it does help release sadness an pain take care
     
  11. topper

    topper Well-Known Member

    Whether we like it or not, one day we will die. So the pain can't last forever.

    Sometimes I think there could be other intelligent beings out there who live for thousands of years, depressed beyond reason just like us, and they might consider us lucky.

    I try to find value in the fact I actually got to see this place, and realize how wonderful and messed up it is. Some people can blindly accept its perfectness and supreme plan, but us truth-seekers know it ain't all it's cracked up to be. Try to accept the good with the bad. One day your life will be over. Is it worth it to try to make the best of it?

    I know it's hard to see light, or feel hope, but I have to try. Just sitting in my shit isn't going to make me feel better, though I do it regularly. But trying to encourage others makes me feel better, and I hope I can at least give others some meager perspective or angle they may not have thought of. So I hope you don't mind me trying to cheer you up just a bit.
     
  12. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    ........... he held me in them, it wasn't upsetting. he was solid, real and without any doubt- him.
    what's killing me is not knowing what's happened and where he is
    and the memories of us. christmas 07.
     
  13. topper

    topper Well-Known Member

    I don't know what you've been through, but I'll be sending up a prayer in hopes someone is listening. I've lost people I loved too. You're right, it doesn't pass. But we can learn to cope better.
     
  14. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    hey s,
    i hear you. you're suffering. it's okay to suffer because you have a heart. it's broken. i love you.

    s xx
     
  15. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    Yes it's ok to suffer. And work though it that way. You've got through things before, more than most people will achieve. I don't know like. This is coming from someone a place of hopelessness too (my mind) but I'll try and reach you, because I often feel desperate to get some feedback that actually says anything to me. And I realise that it's not working, but I hope you'll be ok.
     
  16. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i want to kill myself.
     
  17. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i'm lost.
    i'm back at this place because i am lost and nobody is saying anything to me.

    elizabeth- yes, i'm talking here in desperation and a feeling of complete uncertainty as to what is going to happen with me over the next few days. it's not something i necessarily like doing.

    my therapist can only do so much, i mean, am i the most cheerful person on the planet with her, talking about suicide, injuries, my death.

    what i would really want to do is get away
     
  18. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    he was a liar, my feelings got fucked around with. i've done some research.

    still doesn't take away my feelings though. it was one whole year of being screwed around with mentally with the usual "I love you, I hurt you" dynamic.
    i've been grieving the loss of someone who most probably couldn't give a toss. :)
     
  19. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    yeah, i think an attempt or something is going to happen in the next few days.

    so whenever, if i return if i don't. i hope whatever happens is the start of the end. i'm finished. i've looked at what some other fuckwit posted last year while i was trying to rebuild my life after a hospital admission he was responsible for, and many crises, there are no words, i've spent 10 months screaming to stop myself dying. nobody will get it. i don't get it. the only reason i can understand is "drug addiction" and "poor mental health" doesn't take away injuries. i'm fucking over.
     
  20. Chaddiwicker

    Chaddiwicker Well-Known Member

    I feel torn about responding when I see other people talking about ending it because I think about it almost every day and I feel like I'm a hypocrite if I tell people to stick around. All I can say is, that I hear your pain. I feel pain too. The world sucks. I'm trying to stick around. I hope you will too.
     
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