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It will never get better

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by effervescentpsyche, Oct 28, 2010.

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  1. effervescentpsyche

    effervescentpsyche Well-Known Member

    I havent been on here for a while, because my depression was really deep and I started drinking and was addicted to nightquil/dayquil medication till my husband found out. Now he is going to boot camp and I moved and living with my sister and closer to a friend that has access to drugs. All I can think about is doing them. Anything to feel numb, anything that could help me become braver or closer to death.

    I cry every night, living with my sister who is a complete success while I am just a no one. I will always be a no one. Everyone says try, everyone says it will be better, everyone says it's going to be okay. What else should they say? I am planning, and I have been planning and doing so much research. My goal is to die. Nothing in my life is satisfying.

    We are all going to die anyway so I really don't see the point of prolonging my life. I wish I could trade places with someone who was dying, someone who had a terminal illness. People see people who died on the news and feel sad. I feel angry...I wish that I was one of those people. Why should they die and I live? I think its a horrible injustice that someone who wants to live life dies and someone who despises it so much like me lives.

    Wish I wasn't such a chicken, but I will find a way...Can't keep failing at everything, maybe I can suceed in this one thing.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    instead of putting all your effort and energy in finding a way to die put that energy and effort into finding a way to get healing for yourself Your sister and family would be so happy if they saw you get well
  3. BrokenSpirit

    BrokenSpirit Active Member

    Hun, it's easy to die, to just end it all and cease to exist. It takes true courage to live, you haven't died yet because deep down you don't want to. A failed suicide attempt is your minds way of saying " It's not yet your time". Contact me if you like, I'm free to chat most of the time.
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