it wins i lose

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by letty, Apr 13, 2013.

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  1. letty

    letty Banned Member

    I don't want to deal with the HIV any more, its changed my life, I am never well always dealing with
    a sickness, pain, meds. I give up it wins, I lose. the easy way to die is , edit moderator total eclipse method> I want the bad blood to just get out of me. I am already dead.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 13, 2013
  2. HelgasAngel

    HelgasAngel Well-Known Member

    it hasn't won yet. you're still alive.


    You can get through this honey.


    I'm HIV positive you can.
     
  3. letty

    letty Banned Member

    Thank you HelgasAngel, I am just tired of being weak and tired of the medications, it has progressed , I have had shingles 3 times in one year, I have pneumonia now and am on a oxygen tank , I cant take it
     
  4. HelgasAngel

    HelgasAngel Well-Known Member

    yeah dude Aids must suck. Really I can't pretend to know what ur going through so I won't. I think the best thing for you is obviously your medication but other than that, good old fashioned humor. If I had AIDS, I would keep myself in good spirits by watching South Park. lol not sure if you're into that kind of humor but I just feel like ...humor is something you need. Or maybe do things you enjoy doing. Anything to keep your mind off the pain and your predicament.
     
  5. letty

    letty Banned Member

    thank you for the encouragement, and the suggestion, I just want to give up I am tired, sorry you are HIV I hope you are able to keep it under control my old doctor didn't , and its full blown now. I try to laugh and keep it positive but nights like tonight I just want to get it over with ,
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You have a new doctor now give that doctor a chance hun you have just started new meds ok hang on
     
  7. HelgasAngel

    HelgasAngel Well-Known Member

    oh no i don't have HIV i was just being ironic and i guess funny. lol guess that line sounded funnier on South Park, which is where i stole it from.......anyway keep thinking positive and doing positive things <3
     
  8. letty

    letty Banned Member

    TE I am just so tired and fed up, I am sorry
     
  9. letty

    letty Banned Member

    I am sorry I misunderstood
     
  10. HelgasAngel

    HelgasAngel Well-Known Member

    thats okay=)
     
  11. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    oh hun iknow your tired dam illness it is taken such a toll on you but i know hun i have seen people get stronger hun with right meds rest tonight ok let your new doctor try to help you hugs
     
  12. letty

    letty Banned Member

    on nights like this i just don't want to go on, i hate myself i feel like a walking disease that everyone wants to avoid , i don't blame them
     
  13. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    If people think that way, screw them. You aren't a bad person at all letty, and don't let other peoples dumb opinions influence the way you feel about yourself.
     
  14. letty

    letty Banned Member

    Witty thank you for your encouragement, i just wish others wouldn't be afraid of me, i cant get them sick. i wouldn't get anyone sick,
     
  15. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I don't know why others would be afraid of you, they should just get to know you and see that you are a good person. I'm sorry you have to go through this pain and heartache but please don't give up, you are too good of a person to just give up.
     
  16. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Oh letty hun :hug: I do understand your frustrations. I am feeling down about this stupid disease myself. I've only got a common cold and I am floored barely able to move, joints aching. So much pain. But you know whayt hun, TE is right, give this new doctor and meds a chance. It will take a while to get used to them and it will take a while before you notice a difference but stick with it, you owe it to yourself. We have to show this stupid virus who is boss, better get that whip out!
     
  17. letty

    letty Banned Member

    it seems this disease hurts not just me but those around me loved ones friends, sometimes even my own family gets tired of dealing with it, I am tired and sorry for making them deal with this sickness, my own sister is afraid to be around me, i hate what i put them through
     
  18. letty

    letty Banned Member

    Lexi , i am sorry for what your going through ,sorry your feeling down, I just cant take it anymore, i keep hoping i will wake up feeling better , i do sometimes but it is for a short while, some days i am thinking i will be ok, but when the fever goes high and the stomach problems come, i get so discouraged, i have to quit, I hope you hang in there, i hope you can feel stronger and healthier.
     
  19. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    You don't need to feel sorry for anything, it's not your fault and they should understand that. I wish you had more people in your life who were supportive of you, because you really deserve that.
     
  20. letty

    letty Banned Member

    I do have good people that have stayed by me so far, i am just afraid that they are getting tired of the disease themselves, its wearing them down too, i don't want my loved ones and friends to have to go through this anymore,
     
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