I used to think that life was like the ocean. It'd hit you, hard or soft, but eventually the tide would change. So, yeah, life would suck and it would be hard but eventually the good stuff would have to come. It hasn't. Maybe there are good things in my life and I'm just too blind to see them. I don't know and quite honestly, I don't care anymore. All I know is that every second there's this ache in my chest that never. goes. away. The panic attacks are starting again and all I want is to be able to breath because it feels like there's this perpetual lump in my throat that's choking me. God. I wish I was straight. I wish she wasn't. IwishIwishIwish.