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It would be so easy after all

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Raven, Feb 20, 2013.

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  1. Raven

    Raven Guest

    Why do I keep thinking it would be so easy after all, just a simple step and a permanent solution to everything? Thirty years is enough and if you ask me truthfully far too many years, waking up not wanting to do anything but just fall back asleep, I don’t want to do any of this anymore and I can’t see the point of trying to make it any further. Everyone just says that it will get better but I have lived that motto for ten years and you know what it never really does change, nothing ever gets better you just try and find another way to medicate away life, another way just to make it another day. You get to watch everyone you know grow old and die, you know the things you loved will disappear even further and what is there in that, why stay to watch it all happen?

    I think I was done a long time ago, I think I just never could do anything as I always felt so much guilt about those who would be left, but is that enough? All the destructive behavior, all the things done all of them hoping for just enough of a reason everyone could see, and understand why. That is a false hope, no one could ever really understand why someone would do such a thing unless they themselves had looked well into that abyss.

    I want to shut off my computer, log off from work and pack a case of beer and ride the horse one last time, say fare wall to one of the only things that really ever made me smile so long ago. Find that nice spot overlooking the hills and toast the world a final and well overdue farewell.

    I know I could never do it, I could never do that the people in my life, I am stuck in a life I do not want but am unable to leave. So another day will go another fake smile and another lough that seems legit enough. Someday it will all end. And one day I will find the peace the end will bring that I never could find in life.

    For a coming sunset I will yearn.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    All I can say is that I am here for you, as you know, and want very much to be a part of the respite you seek by being a safe place to rant/observe/mock the state of each of us and the world...please remember that I care
  3. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Suicide might sound like such a simple to do, believe me, I have been there, much like everyone else here, on the site, but when it comes down to the final act of going through with it, it scares the hell out of you; the fear, the uncertainty of what will happen to you after you die... factors like that really come into play hewn you are about to take that final step, and it is for a good reason: every person who has ever lived, has an in-built self-preservation 'dive' (for lack for a better word) that kicks in full force when you are on the verge of passing from this life to the After World. That, I would not hesitate to say what is holding you back, and I a relieved that you have never reached that point before.
    You might be thinking about it a lot, but what you should do is think of the thirty years in which you have been here, with or without those thoughts and take some kind of satisfaction that you have had those thirty years of life. This might not come as any real help to you, but nothing will ever change if all you do is think back on past events and try and use them, learn them, to create a better future for yourself.

  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I too hun am stuck where you are wanting so badly release but knowing i could never cause others pain by doing so hugs to you ok
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