it wount let go

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Well-Known Member
my illness has a deathgrip on me, and there is only one way to get it to let go is a final has destroyed my marage, my way of life...every thing...i am sick of be a slave to it..i am tired of waking up every morning and seeing the monster that i have become ibn the mirrior, i want to be normal for once in my life and baring that i would rather comite is the only way out....


Active Member
Hey :hug:
Please dont say that . . . I see no monster when we talk, I hope that you are feeling better now and we will talk later.


Well-Known Member
Yes, I know what it is like to want to feel normal. I too am fighting suicidal thoughts as I can see no alternative. I don't really want to die, but I don't want to carry on like this either. My monster is inside of me 24/7 and I hate it. There is no escape other than suicide and yet I don't believe that. I am searching and searching for a way to get rid of this monster. This afterneen, I am off to see yet another doctor. I don't hold out too much hope , but you never know.
Have you tried every possibility of getting rid of your monster too? I hope that we will both be able to find some peace before suicide gets us.
Take care.


Staff Alumni
All of our monsters seem so scary until they are expressed and understood...i hope you are considering seeing a MD or therapist...i can only express my experiences which have saved my life...i was at the threshold of crossing over myself, and today, i am truly more a part of this world..yes, there are times when my monsters rear their ugly heads, but i know i have support and caring which really does help...please know that whatever you think makes you so imperfect is probably someone else has experienced as well...all of our stuff smells and none of us leaves this place without feeling the shame and guilt of our shortcomings...know you can be loved, warts and all...big hugs, Jackie
Aah, the monster inside.
It wrecks my whole life.
It makes me do and say things that's messing up all my friendships and at the time I don't ever see what I doing wrong till it's too late.
It keeps me awake thinking right through the night.
It makes me see things that's not there, it makes me mistrust my very best friends.
The ony way for me to ever feel better is to talk about these things in my head.
But I have no one I trust enough so they just build up inside and makes things worse.
The only person that I ever trusted to talk about these things with has now forgotten me and she won't talk to me cause Ihurt her too.

No matter how hard it seems or even impossible for someone else to understand and how afraid I am to talk I always feel better afterwards.
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