Its a fine line, how do I know whether or not i've crossed it?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by k_pressy, Aug 18, 2010.

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  1. k_pressy

    k_pressy Well-Known Member

    So I don't know.
    Last night I just kind of lost it. I've been put on different tablets (venlalic modified day release venlafaxine) because the prozac decided 'Hey, guess what, gonna just stop working on you there, have a nice life, buh bye!'

    So I take them religiously like a good girl. And I take my tablets for PCOS like a good girl. But nothing changes.

    So last night I reached the end of my know when people say 'oh, something in me just snapped' really does feel like something snapped. I don't feel like me. I have my lip pierced and last night when I was feeling anxious and felt as though I was about to have a panic attack I kept biting down on my lip bar in a fast, tapping motion. And then that was it. I had to do the tapping all night. Whether I was biting my lip bar or tapping my fingers or moving my feet, I had to keep the same rhythm otherwise I felt anxious again. I cried lots and just couldn't stop.

    Today, I feel like my head was once a neat, tidy filing cabinet but i've woke up to it this morning and the paperwork is just everywhere. I have spent most of my work day just sitting, staring out of the window, tapping again. It feels like all the thoughts in my head are going too fast. They spin and spin and spin faster and faster and then eventually its like a fog. Everythings going too fast, its like everything has got to be done quick and its got to be done now, be it eating, drinking, thinking. I'm in my own little world in my head and it takes about 2-3 times of saying my name before I snap back to the real one.

    And last night, I was thinking about someone called Tess. I don't know a Tess, Tess does not exist, but already I know she has a better life than me and shes happier than me and I should be like Tess and then people might like me better. Who the hell is Tess???

    I can't tell anyone this. They'll think i'm crazy. Maybe I am crazy. But I have nobody to talk to about it. My fiancee has just lost her father, shes 21 years old and has lost her dad. Shes dealing with enough shit, I can't put any of this on her. My mum has lost her best friend, the woman that was like a mother to her, so I can't talk to her. And I have nobody else. So who's going to help me?

    Maybe i'll have to look deeper into this Tess person. Maybe she can help me. I don't know. But I just feel like things have to be done quick. What does it all mean?!?!?

    :rant: <----ha. thats funny. his mouth is moving as quickly as I feel my head is moving.
  2. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    K pressy, I hope you are feeling better. :hugtackles:
  3. k_pressy

    k_pressy Well-Known Member

    Hey :)

    sorry for the delayed reply, not been on for a while. Having one of those years I think, still feel utterly useless to be honest and just completely fed up. Hanging on by a fine thread it would seem. But thanks for replying. Am feeling a bit better than I was then, just think I'm getting too close to crossing the line of insanity

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