It's a lie!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SirRob, Feb 4, 2008.

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  1. SirRob

    SirRob Active Member

    ...I can't believe....I can't believe what I just did. Call it morning fever or w.e. I was suffering from the worst panic attack I've had in the past couple of years and was still depressed. The girl I had been seeing left a message saying that she was just playing with my feelings while waiting to find a Bf and that she doesn't need me anymore so i should just piss off. I know it's strange to be brought down by just a another girl, but this is the fourth time. Well while I was in the middle of this panic attack I slashed my wrist. <mod edit - bunny - methods> There was so much blood, which is what brought me back. I wrapped it up and the bleeding stopped an hour ago. There's no one I can call. No family, no friends, and I can't go to the hospital. I'll miss work and get fired. So even if I were to get better I would go right back and kill myself because I would have no more money and be destitute. But I still can't believe what I just did. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 4, 2008
  2. Perishable

    Perishable Well-Known Member

    Man, that fucking sucks so bad. I can't imagine how the hell that shit could happen to you a fourth time.
    You got to go to work though. If your wrists aren't too bad. So you get some money and go someplace to take your mind of things. To get away from it all. I wish I could that.

    ... It may seem like 'just another girl' and it shouldn't hurt you. But how can you? We are humans with feelings and emotions and to be used in such a manner is hurtful. That is one of the worst feelings... That I have felt,... So I don't blame you for hurting. I just hope you can get out and vent or take a walk.

    I'm sorry.
  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Don't let that girl get to you if you can. You'll find someone better and who cares for you.

    If you can, then go to work, otherwise ring them up and tell them you can't come in until your better.
  4. SirRob

    SirRob Active Member

    I know I shouldn't let that girl get to me, but....i'm just so tired of it. 4 times. I want love, but I just can't believe it exists anymore. I thought I had finally found someone to believe in, but just as I've always was to do: Don't Trust in Anyone. Believe in nothing. My father told me that. My mother just don't me who cares about how you're feeling so long as you can keep working and earning money. So if I have nothing to believe in and trust in no one, then what? Just suffer loneliness? Is that better then to be betrayed? I went to work and came home early. My wrist started to bleed again. I have to say though. I don't anything has ever so pleasurable then when I poured the alcohol on it to clean it. Then I put vinegar and lemon juice. I think this might become a new hobby of mine when I get hurt. I think the physical pain feels so good because it completely distracts me from the emotional pain.
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Love does exist, it just hasn't come to you yet.
    I can understand that this sort of thing happening to you 4 times has left you sour about it all.
    All it takes it one genuine person to make a difference. Keep fighting and keep going and you'll give yourself a good chance to meet good people, who you can trust.
  6. SirRob

    SirRob Active Member

    Not just romantic love, paternal love, sibling love. I have never been cared for or loved by anyone. And when I think I have I find out it was just a lie.
  7. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    In the past it has been a lie but that doesn't mean it will be in the future. Try to put the past behind you because that's where it is now, in the past and behind you.
  8. Perishable

    Perishable Well-Known Member

    Ha. I have this desire as well.
    I doubt that it is gone out of this world. It is just extremely rare.
    Hard to find.

    What bothers me is that everything is patience
    It's required for some fucked reason.

    ...wait for it...
    ...It will come...
    .....hold on...

    I have to wait to die, wait to live, wait wait... not for now.
    I am alive, but im not living as to I am not doing anything I want.
    It goes with the saying. "Tomorrow never comes"

    Like that stupid orphane annie song "I'll love you, Tomorrow"
    Meaning, the orphan is waiting...waiting... for tomorrow. But no one ever comes!

    Is this irrelevant? :dry: :dry:
  9. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    I detest what love can do to a human being, the problem is when you are looking for love, you're at risk of meeting people like this girl you described. I know that it's happened to you before, but out of the millions of women in the world, these girls DO NOT represent us. There is someone out there, who would never do this to someone.
  10. SirRob

    SirRob Active Member

    As it stands, I can only continue to live DTA. That's what this has taught me. Don't Trust in Anyone, Believe In Nothing.

    Had a bad day today though. She came by to show off her Bf to me. I was clenching my fist so hard the cut on my left arm opened back up and took about 2 hours to stop bleeding. I think I might have to stitch it up.
  11. Entoloma43

    Entoloma43 Well-Known Member

    Damn, if that happened to me, that girl wouldn't have much time left to live.

    Good luck man.
  12. goodbye pork pie hat

    goodbye pork pie hat Active Member

    i can't just tell you to try and get better or to try and get over this girl, 'cause i know how fucking hard it is. i know it's really hard to trust people when all anyone ever does is hurt you, but there is someone out there. i know it probably sounds very naive and banal and everything, but it's true. you aren't all alone and people do love you. i'm so sorry about your girlfriend and - no offense - she sounds like a real bitch. she doesn't sound right for you... i'm so sorry that she left you and was so mean about it and i'm sorry about your wrists...
    things might work out yet. just give it some time. :sorry:
  13. SirRob

    SirRob Active Member

    Well this is the fourth time a girl has betrayed me. I'm not giving it a chance next time. I need to listen to the other me and stop being so weak. I would be just fine if I let him have control all the time. He doesn't get hurt or feel sad. He's the one who takes over when I try to kill myself. He yells at me saying it's his body too. So I'll listen to him. The next person I meet is going to have to really prove herself.

    Btw I asked a doctor and he said the cut on my arm is def going to become a scar (4" long straight down the wrist to the forearm.)
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