It's a long way down

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Bluematador, Jan 31, 2012.

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  1. Bluematador

    Bluematador New Member

    I've been chronically ill for nine years. I don't want to be here anymore. I am trying to learn how to differentiate between pain and suffering by studying the work of Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron. The pain is so relentless it is hard to continue. I wish I could go to sleep forever. It is strange to lose my fear of death. Now I long for it. I feel so much guilt because I think life is a gift and I should be more thankful for the experience. Pain can be an amazing teacher. It has taught me compassion and patience. Now I am tired. I can not do most of the things I love to do. I feel like a parasite. What can I offer my community in this condition? Is it more honorable to die? I tried to commit suicide three months ago and I had to spend a month in the psychiatric hospital. I search for a way to integrate myself into the community but I fail. I am only alive because of western medicine. I would have died long ago without medical intervention.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Namaste नमस्ते Pema Chodron is such a wise teacher...so glad you found her...there are many members, myself included, who are struggling with the debilitation of chronic illnesses...i am hopeful that you decide to stay and make SF one of the communities you find a way to integrate yourself into...sorry about your pain, and I know first hand the lessons one can find in this journey...welcome again
     
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