it's a lose lose situation

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by dew2little, May 5, 2010.

  1. dew2little

    dew2little Member

    First some background; My wife and I have had our Grand sons living with us since Dec 2007. The youngest was only 7 wks old and had 5 broken ribs caused by his father, the oldest was 2 1/2 yo. My daughter finally got them back under the condition that she live with us and got help. Having my daughter and her boys living with me seeing how she treated them along with my wife leaving New Years day 2009 pushed me over the edge. I fell into severe clinical depression with suicidal attempts. I got help for my depression (I was actually told one time I went to my doctor everyone was at lunch, have a seat and someone would be with me in about 30 mins, not the best thing to tell someone who's suicidal).

    My wife moved back and my daughter moved out with her boys. I started to pick up my life again. That lasted about 3 months until my daughter had another break down and started drinking way too much. Mom and Dad to the rescue again for the safety of the boys. 3 months later my daughter moves back in with us to be with her boys and get help again. She was going to AA, and school, but not taking care of her boys. It seems all she does is yell at them. She doesn't get up with them in the morning, or put them to bed at night. I finally had to tell her she had to get out of my house and she moved into the dorm at school.

    2 months ago I told my daughter and my wife come June 1st I could not live with the boys in my house any more. It's killing me. Now at first my wife agreed with me, but now that June is almost here she doesn't. I understand she's very attached to the boys now, and worried about how my daughter treats them. If I stay then I'm not sure how much longer I will last until I'm pushed over the edge again, If I leave I don't know how my wife will raise the boys alone, if my daughter moves out with her boys again how long before she has another break down?

    All I really want is to enjoy time alone with my wife. We've raised our kids. Is it wrong that I want to be able to come home and relax with out yelling or crying? Is it wrong that I want to be able to sleep in on my days off? or take my wife to dinner and a movie when ever we want? Yes my daughter needs to grow up and take care of her boys. It seems every time I tell her no I won't watch the boys my wife says she will. I really don't see an answer here. The darkness has started to returned. I find myself wondering "what if I just wasn't here" again... I am fighting but I do not know how much longer I can or want to keep going...
     
  2. kyle88

    kyle88 Well-Known Member

    I know things seem hectic and stressful, but for the sake of those boys I ask that you hold on and be strong.

    There is nothing wrong with wanting to be alone with your wife, but clearly your daughter is going through issues... I grew up with an alcoholic mother, and all I can say is I wish I would have had another family, or grandparents that would have cared for me...

    Your daughter is making a mistake, and she will eventually realize it... it sounds like shes highly immature still and not ready to be a mother, which is sad for those 2 boys...

    Even if your daughter were to come back and take those kids today, do you think those 2 little boys are safe with her? You already mentioned their father broke the 7 week olds' ribs... if she is not sober and is around bad company, do you really want these children to be there? even if these kids don't end up dead, they are likely to grow up in a horrible environment and it will completely destroy whatever future they have.

    I know it shouldn't be your responsibility to take care of your daughters kids, but right now those 2 boys really have no one... and you guys are the closest family to them who are willing to give them the care that they need...

    Now I understand that you want to be able to spend time with your wife... and i'm sure you've already done this, but talk to her about how your feeling... talk to her about how you miss her and want to spend time with her...

    Maybe at least once a week, you two can have a day where you spend together, do whatever you want... and for that day you can give the boys to a daycare or babysitter...? (if you can afford it)...

    I'm sure this situation is also stressful for your wife, so please think about her also before doing anything that could really destroy her... I don't think its the fact that your wife is attached to the boys, but rather afraid what will happen to them if they are with your daughter...
     
  3. dew2little

    dew2little Member

    We have tried to get away once a week, We normally get called asking when we will be home. Do people have a right to be happy? if so at what cost? I'm not happy with the situation I'm in. Yes I'm also worried about what would happen to the boys if they were with only their mother... doing what's right for the boys and everyone else is not right for me. I've started to look at my Rx again, I know what combination will make the pain stop I can feel the reaction from some of my experiments... I know some times life just isn't fair, but I would like a break