As i get closer to going through with this, all the horrid problems in the world start to melt away. Of course, the problems are still there, but now that I have made up my mind to end it, they don't seem to matter to anymore. Nothing seems to matter anymore. All that i feel is emptiness and...actually, Im not even sure if I even feel that because i have felt empty before and there was actually a feeling involved there. Im sure if my means or ambitions to end it were taken away things would resort back to how they were previously and the wall of sorrow would come back and hit me, but since neither of those things will be taken away it looks like im going to die in indifference to all of creation. I never thought it would feel like this knowing you were going to die. I had always looked at death with respect and fear of the unknown, and especially a fear of the whole process of actually dying. I can barely even feel physical pain anymore. Its rather interesting. I guess the whole point of this post is to ask others who have made up their mind to end their own lives how they felt up to trying to go through with the act, what made them decide not to, or any insight into what they felt prior to their attempt.