Hi there, my fellow human beings Today, its Friday, I had my last day, as an intern with a electricity company. I've been there all week, except Wednesday, when I had to go too the doctor, due to a bad cough, which kept me awake all night. Anyways, so today was suppose to be my last day, yet I decided not to show up, when I woke up this morning. I could just feel, this would be one of "those day", and with my mood being the way it is, atleast lately, I knew I couldn't cope with it. Which actually comes as a surprise for me, cus' the dude who was assigned to show me around, and teach me various subjects within the topic of electricity, was really nice - and truly did his to motivate me, to a more prober life. A happier life anyways. So now I sit here at home, with a bad taste in my mouth, because I didn't even show up for my last day, just because I basically "didn't feel like it". I found that to be rather selfish and pathetic, which gives me a even worst taste in my mouth. (The point of this, is just too show that I constantly disappoint myself.) I am 20 today, and was declared as "healthy" back when I was 16. After 4 years of massive alcohol abuse, self-abuse, depression and suicide attempts. This was the worst time of my life, yet it was also the time, when I had the most friends, the most love from my family and girlfriend (whom later committed suicide) etc. After a long time, dealing with my depression, I was finally happy again. Was confident in myself, and finally had dreams for the future. Yet oddly, this was also the time in my life, where I lost most of my friends. Mainly due to the fact, that most of my friends (including myself) was emo's, and I no longer wanted anything too do, with a community which engorges itself in maintaining the depressive factors, that play in that culture. So there I was, 18, "healthy" and lonely. So I decided to do what I love. Study. I've studied politics, history, psychology, war and religion - and am kind of an "expert" in each of these topics. But unfortunately, studying books, isn't exactly something that gives you a great lot of friends. As a matter of fact, I only have 2 "friends" - and none of those two, know the real me. I have like a "political correct" me, and a me, me. I know all humans have many sides too them, but nobody knows the real me; and I'm afraid, if I did tell them about real me, nobody would even look at me. I'm a bit of a revolutionary. Like Napoléon, if I must compare me with someone else. I don't believe in socialism, democracy (corrupt as it is) and many other political ideologies, which you MUST believe in, in order to be a prober human being. Actually I'm gonna stop it now, cus' I could go on like this forever... Long story short; I'm 20, lonely cus' I'm more interested in knowledge then partying and drinking, in seek of partnership in this life and, you guessed it, suicidal... - yet again.