why do people have such an effect one me...so much that i'm constantly cutting myself when i'm alone, like now, and when i'm around certain people i'm the happiest, most lovely helpful and polite (it was on a school report once..) person you've ever met? to be honest there's only one person who i can relate to and his name is joe. joe is my best friend and my confidant, he's also 7 years older than me and i believe my soul-mate.. we had a bit of a *thing* a few weeks back and decided that it wasn't right for him, because he's not in a place in his life where a relationship would work........yada..yada...bla...bla... i quite listening when i heard "i don't regret what happened but......" obviously, since i'm only 20, he's so much more.....mature and mentally solid than me. thats why i need him so much. what does he get from me? nothing. why am i such a horrid person? why does no one love me back? is it a defect or something that i have? please someone tell me... i try to do everything i can for joe....like last night i was at his house until midnight, which is the norm..and when i turned to leave, he asked me to iron his shirt..i felt so happy that he would entrust me with that, so i was there until after 1 in the morning ironin...while joe and his friend mick watched a dvd... please can some one tell me i'm a fool??