It's All Coming Back

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by *dilligaf*, Apr 14, 2009.

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  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    I've had months of feeling okay, and in the last couple of weeks the depression seems to be hitting hard again.
    I have a bf who I love with all my heart and who, without a doubt, keeps me going. Nothing I say here is anything against him. In the slightest. Being with him is one of the very very few things that has the power to make me smile and take away the shittyness.
    That said.
    I've had enough of feeling like this. All I want to do recently is sleep. I am very tearful, usually I don't cry ... but in the last week I have cried three times. I sleep about 12 hours a night and am still always tired. Sleep seems like a good compromise - at least I can't be depressed when I am asleep.
    My best mate is driving me insane and I am on the brink of saying something to her that will probably cause us to fall out. She is probably the only friend I have where I live, if I loose her, I have no one. I'm going to be sat in my bedroom, feeling sorry for myself. (Apart from when I am with my bf, as I said at the beginning of this post.)
    I don't know what's brought this on. It's the second anniversarry of my Nans death in June - maybe it's that. But that is still 2 months away. I can't bear feeling like this for that long. It's wearing me down feeling like this day in and day out.
    I seem to have lost a good friend because I was in such a state the other night myself, that I couldn't help them. They looked at it like I was being selfish, and maybe I was. But the thing is ... I am emotionally drained. I feel like I can't deal with my own problems, let alone anyone elses.
    Im rambling, sorry ...
  2. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Sorry to hear you are feeling like this Sam, depression is so unpredictable, we don't always find a reason for the crap times but we sure as hell feel them.
    What about your meds, could you maybe need a change in dose or may perhaps type?
    I'm glad you have that bf to help you through this time and if you ever want to chat, just drop me a pm.

    :hug: Hazel xx
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Maybe it's worth seeking some help to stop the slide and also support you through your nan's death?

    I do think that sometimes everyone has to be selfish and look after themselves. That's not a bad thing, and hopefully with hindsight your friend will be able to see that. People should only support as and when and if they can.
  4. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    I am starting to think that maybe that might be a good idea. Last time I spoke to my doctor about it though he put me off. He just said "but it's been 14 months ... the first 12 months are meant to be the hardest" like I should have been over it ...

    I really hope that eventually she realises that. I am hoping she will read this and accept the apology. I have tried talking to her for the last two days and nothing :sad: I hate people thinking I am selfish :sad:

    Maybe :dunno: And to think just a few weeks ago I was thinking about coming off of them altogether :dry:

    Thanks hun :hug:
  5. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    It might be worth going back to your doctor. If he is not very useful then maybe try contacting Cruse who can be excellent supporting people through bereavement, and you are still very clearly and naturally, grieving for your nan.

    To be honest, I think any friend, any true friend, would be able to appreciate that things are hard. Any true friend should be able to understand that no one can support all the time, and that part of friendship is give and take. If this friend does not understand this, then I wonder if maybe she is not a true friend, or maybe she was just taking all she could get from you, or be a fair weather friend or something. If she is on here then I may have put my foot in it. I don't know who she is, but that's how I would see that situation from what you have said.
  6. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Thanks hun :hug:

    I'll think about going back to the doctors.

    As for the friend, you don't know who it is, so you have no idea what happened, so you havent put your foot in it :smile:
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