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Its all getting a bit too much

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Hache, Dec 4, 2010.

  1. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    I know people on here have real problems compared to mine but i've still got mental inbalances so i've come to attention seek and let it all out.

    I am being totally worn down and going crazy.

    - Stress of all the uni work I have to do, many assignments due in in the over the next few weeks.
    -- Pressure of having to do well, this is my final year so the grades count
    ---That exists because i've not done great in the last 2 years

    - The future after university is worrying me. I dont know what will happen, where I will go, I do not know where I want to go or what I want to do, I came to university because I had no friends and it seems like it is getting close to the time where I will go back to not having any friends, i'm worried that where ever I end up it might drive me over the edge.
    -- I haven't applied for any grad jobs yet, I havent even done my cv and covering letter even though I should have started a few weeks back.

    - I've got a crush on a girl so I cant stop thinking about her, but not in the good way, more about when will I next see her, panicing that I wont see her again any time soon.

    This is all weighing me down, my days are painful. I dont want to kill myself but that doesnt mean part of me doesnt, part of me thinks about it all the time, probably more about my mind telling me that this is too much. I wont kill myself, I dont think so anyway, that isn't a risk in my eyes.

    Last night, lieing in bed while drunk I kept having uncontrollable anxiety attacks.

    Whenever I am alone I go insane.
  2. ansdr

    ansdr Well-Known Member

    You just seemed very worried about the future. And if it will turn out good and if you'll get to do the things you want to. But you still have time, to get a grad job, to do well on your assignments. Even to find that girl. You just have to tell yourself you still have time and do your best. It can be hard planning out your future because once you make a decision you can't go back and change it, and now seems to be a time where you make big decisions about where you want your life to go. But you just got to do your best in the end. And tell yourself that even if things don't go as planned, you still have time to change it.
  3. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    You are right, thanks. Sadly it is difficult to get that in, perhaps being weak from a history of depression doesn't help, perhaps being triggered doesn't help.

    You know how you are supposed to learn more and more about yourself and who you are as you get older and do more. Well 2 and a half years of uni, I know I am different to what I was when I came here, no doubt, but I feel like I am a very boring person, just personality wise etc, now people may say that is just depression, low self esteem, but I genuinely feel like this way in a non depressed sense, I have a social life and have met plenty of people this year. I dont know what to do about it, it isn't about hobbies or anything, I just feel stupid and boring, its hard to explain what I mean by boring, I just think there isn't really anything about me. Hmm.