It's all getting too much

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by carebear35, Aug 28, 2015.

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  1. carebear35

    carebear35 Active Member

    I'm new to the board. Surely it's too early for me to have hit a snag? To be honest I feel like I'm on an out of control rollercoaster, although I think something went wrong. I've been desperately fighting the urge to self harm for a week or longer and each day that goes by the urge gets stronger. I'm reaching the point where I'm going to do it whether I want to or not. I even have dreams about it. I shouldn't be alive. I'm a disappointment to people and they're embarrassed to be seen with me. It's like I'm some sort of wild animal that escaped from the zoo. What do I do?
     
  2. me84

    me84 Active Member

    There are so many people that feel this way. I also feel like im on a out of control roller coaster. Have you seen a doctor or been diagnosed with anything?
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I don't know what snag is but work through your issues one at a time. Why do you feel people are embarrassed to be seen with you? Please don't harm yourself. It's simply not worth it. Are you seeing a professional?
     
  4. carebear35

    carebear35 Active Member

    I don't feel like I'm an embarrassment I know I am. Both my mother and my father have hinted at it, my siblings won't be caught dead with me and basically I have no friends except those online who are too far to worry about being seen with me. me84 I have severe major depression, social anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder Petal I am seeing a psychologist, but with no income and no job I don't know for how long. I have to ask my father for money, which he is decreasing slowly every month. I get my medication from a government clinic cause I can't afford them and I have to buy all the groceries, which eats into my already little money therefore causing a problem with seeing the psychologist as often as I probably should. I have been so tempted to book myself into the local psychiatric clinic, but I have no medical aid and I can't afford R27683,00 admission fee. I'd need to make an arrangement to briefly see my former therapist to give her back the knife she stuck in my back.
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi again, I also have borderline personality disorder and severe anxiety so I can relate somewhat, I often feel like I am an embarrassment to my family and when sometimes my siblings won't go or ask me to go out with them it makes me feel like an awful person. You must understand it's their issue as opposed to yours if they are behaving like that. I really am sorry you are feeling this way but you must move forward and love yourself. Take pride in yourself. I'm glad you are at least getting the medicines, may I ask what you are on? Sorry your therapist was a bitch.
     
  6. carebear35

    carebear35 Active Member

    Hi Petal,

    I'm on Floroxitine, Lamictin and Lithium and Rescue for panic attacks. I'd love to love myself, but that just isn't going to happen. I am responsible for everything that has gone wrong in my life. I called my old therapist myself, I wasn't referred to her. Guess that shows you my choice in people. Sorry to have taken so long to get back to you, I've self harmed two days in a row, still considering it and have wanted to die all week. I don't want to live anymore.
     
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