I'm fed up with things. I have been suffering from headaches, all day every day, for almost a year now. The doctors and hospitals blow me off, dismissing my pain as the product of a diseased mind (I am a hypochondriac, but I can still get sick, damnit!). I feel there is little help for me, because our healthcare system is horrible and no one seems to have a clue, or give a damn. Worse yet though, is my noticeable progressive cognitive decline. It seems that with each passing day, my mind is slipping further away. I don't want to be like my father. Its better to be dead. Unfortunately, I don't have the nerve to go through with it. I think the only way I could do it would be with a gun (for some reason, the method is very important to me). I have considered electrocuting myself in the shower, but again, I can't do it. I simply don't want to suffer anymore. I've been around the block with the healthcare system: medical hospitals, psych wards, crisis homes, etc. I'm at the end of my line, yet I still can't bring myself to end it. Its quite vexing.