Its all gone wrong..

[boyinthecorner]

Hi everyone.

I'm not sure what i'm doing posting on here, I guess I need some support, some guidence because god knows my "friends" havn't done jack since I lost my brother. If you met me in school you'd never think I was depressed, i'm always smiling and making jokes but the truth is I feel alone, angry and confused.


I'm at a point in my life where I don't have a clue what i'm going to do, i badly want to have good friends and go to the beach and partys but to tell the truth i don't like the people in school, they've done nothing to help me. I'm so sure that if it would of been one of my close friends this would of happened to, beth for example, i'd be there for her, without a dout. Whenever she needed it.
But what happened when i lost Geraint? she send me a nice card and i was comforted by the fact that she'd be there for me and I could talk to her. But no, shes done fucking nothing. So shes smiles and me when i pass her in the hall, big deal. How can she not be feeling the slightest but guilty, i'll never understand. ignorance.

I'm afriad I might slip into depression..

I need help. I don't know where to turn.

 

[boyinthecorner]

please someone, anyone reply. I'm feeling so low tonight. I need some kind words..

 

[One who listens..]

At your/our age, kids can be like that, love you one day, forget the next. It happens, and it hurts when it does.
Your very much like me. I managed to mask my real feelings behind humor and jokes for 3 years, before I tried to kill myself. You don't want to do that. Don't bottle it up, it will get let out.

I don't know what you can do for yourself, but just know we are here to support you. :hug:

I wish you luck

*OWL*

 

[helena]

hi boyinthecorner,
I think it can be very difficult for people to know how to deal with what you are going through.I reckon they are all very young, as you mentioned school, and they might just don't know how to react, affraid of saying the wrong things, I guess... some, like the girl you mentioned, might have the intention to reach out to you, and might thing a smile could be a start....I don't know, I'm just trying to see things from the "other side"perspective.
I understand also how frustrating it is for you and how ignored, left alone, you feel. Maybe you have to try a more direct aproach, to the ones you really trust or maybe you might need some professional help to help you to deal with that traumatic event.
I hope you feel comforted in here, and you can get some better advice than this, please know though that people will sure try to help you in here and give you as much support as they can.
Try to hold on, it might be just a question of time to find the friends you need.
:hug:
helena

 

[Wonderstuff]

Well I can't really talk for your friend, but I know that sometimes it can be difficult to know what to say or do, when something like this happens. Maybe she was unsure and figured that if you needed her you would come to her, she didn't want to crowd you?
We will be here to listen and support as much as we can hun, I'm sorry you posted again before you got a reply but sometimes people aren't always on to reply straight away, or just plain don't know what to say.
I hope you find what you're looking for here. If you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me, ok?
Take care,

Lauren

 

[Hazel]

Hi boyinthecorner, I am sorry that you have 'lost' your brother, I can't even begin to imagine how painful that is for you. We are here to listen if you would like to talk about Geraint.
You know maybe what is happening with your friends isn't that they are ignoring your pain, its that they don't know what to say... its very difficult even for adults who have experienced it more than once to know what to say to someone after a death and for your friends this may be the first time and it is even more difficult when it is a young person who has died.

i'm always smiling and making jokes but the truth is I feel alone, angry and confused.

Maybe you need to let your friends know how you really feel, they are reacting to the 'face' you are portraying, they are taking your lead, if they understood how you are really feeling I think you will see a change in their attitude.
Apart from them, do you have anyone else you can talk to, your parents, a teacher, or maybe a school counsellor?
Remember we are here to listen and to support you, I hope we can help you through this difficult time.

Take care Hazel x

 

[boyinthecorner]

Thankyou everyone, the responses have really lifted me. Your all so kind lol.

Yes I have parents and family I could talk to but I see that they are suffering too and I don't want to make them feel any worse. My parents think it would be a good idea for me to see a physiatrist, at first I was totally against the idea but know i'm starting to feel like I need to tell someone, to get all this off my chest.

I'm not going to tell you about my brother, I feel you couldn't possibly realise how amazing he was, how he influenced my life so much. I'll just say that he was my older brother, and my hero.

Once again thankyou everyone for your kind words.

 

[gentlelady]

I think that seeing a psychiatrist may be a good idea for you. It may help you deal with the loss of your brother as well as the other issues you are facing. It is hard work and sometimes the journey seems to long, but in the end it can be worth the fight. Stay strong hun. You are worth it. :hug: