It's all i think about

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by swimmergirl, Nov 9, 2009.

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  1. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    death, killing myself, when, how, where, am I really ready to die??? do I really not care about anything? What am i waiting for? Is it just a sadistic fantasy, this longing to die? Why does my heart feel so much pain? How can I make it stop? I don't know if I can make it, the ambivalence is torture.
  2. happyville

    happyville Well-Known Member

    If you're thinking about whether or not you're ready to die, then I don't think you're actually ready - which is a good thing, I don't want to see you go. I'm sorry you're in so much pain, love, and I wish there was something I could do to help, but I understand that not much helps when the pain is that severe. I hope you feel better and I'm here if you ever need to talk. : )
  3. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    Talk, talk, talk, write it out, scream it out. Just let it all out. Keep in here. :hugtackles:
  4. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you're trying to put it off. If you're not sure whether or not you're ready or not, it's simple. You're not. All the thoughts are delaying something you possibly don't really want. So try thinking of something that's gong well. The smallest thing, it doesn't matter what it is, there is always something good. If you can't see it, you're not looking hard enough. From their, start building on what's going well, get some help if you can, try to think more positively.
  5. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    Iam the same since long time ago...and im coping with it..and im sure you can...we can suport each me anythine :hugtackles: :arms:
  6. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    I agree with mission, get it out of you. All those feelings. If you let them stew and dwell on them your world will only seem darker and darker. Please keep posting, or talk to someone about what it is that has gotten you depressed and suicidal. You can PM me if you want. Please be safe. :hug:
  7. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I do go to therapy, but I find it hard to talk about wanting to die without my doctors wanting to put me in a hospital, so I usually dont talk about my suicidal feelings. I am glad I can get some of it out on here, it helps sometimes just to write about the thoughts and to know I am not the only one who thinks this way and feels this pain. I don't think I am ready to die either, but I am scared that one day I will be, that such an end is inevitable for me. I see so much beauty in life, yet it always feels out of reach for me. I want to be stronger than this, but sometimes the sadness is too much to bear all by myself. If only someone else could hold me, and let me know that I am not alone, that I will make it, that I am worth living for. I often feel like my life has no value, no purpose, no connection to anything or anyone. I want to love and be loved, is that so much to ask for?
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