Its all in my head, but that is the problem..

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by cordial1, Jul 13, 2011.

  1. cordial1

    cordial1 Well-Known Member

    So.. I had a very very deep conversation with my manager at work. He is like a father figure to me and I confided in him about my mental health issues I have been dealing with. I told him how I was finally diagnosed bipolar (after years of knowing it myself and denial by my mother) and we began talking about other things regarding my mental state; as working with me gives him privy to observing my behavior. We spoke about my highs and lows and trends to my cycles that I hadn't noticed and then he asked me the big question. "Have you ever been suicidal?" That was one of the hardest questions I've ever answered, I felt shame and embarrassment when I told him yes. After talking about how and why I felt the desire to end my life he asked me a question that both brought clarity and dread to my attention. He asked me "Why do you feel like your life is so bad that you want to end it?" It stopped me in my tracks.. Well, my life isn't all that bad. I have a lot of hate and loathsome emotion for my father who still lives in the home even though I am two years from graduating college and moving out; but other than that and my mother having a serious problem with my friends, and my brother being a lazy know it all, nothing. Other than the fact that I make everything worse in my mind. In that moment there was clarity, then when I realized that it is all in my mind is where dread sets in, I make my life worse, not on purpose but my perception of my life and the events that occur makes it worse. Great, I'm a melodramatic, over-emotional, not to mention bipolar girl...a.k.a. a ticking time bomb.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Glad your boss took time to talk to you hun bring some clarity to you as well hugs
  3. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    You are a very intelligent girl. Now that you are aware that the problem is from the mind, not the reality, you can watch/observe the mind. You are one step ahead now :)

    I recommend the book “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle, which talks a lot about the mind and watching the thoughts (such as topic like "Freeing Yourself from Your Mind" and "Rising above Thought"), etc. The book is available is most bookstores around the world and here is a link to a free download of PDF version of the book:

    I know some young people with bipolar have found Eckhart Tolle’s work helpful. I personally met a girl in her mid 20s who is even very enthusiastic about his work. I know that a young guy of 18 years old is currently very active at Eckhart Tolle TV online Community forum (under the name Jordan): Jordan once mentioned that he has bipolar. Otherwise I really can’t tell. He is such a bright and talented young man...

    Wish you well… :pinkrose: