So.. I had a very very deep conversation with my manager at work. He is like a father figure to me and I confided in him about my mental health issues I have been dealing with. I told him how I was finally diagnosed bipolar (after years of knowing it myself and denial by my mother) and we began talking about other things regarding my mental state; as working with me gives him privy to observing my behavior. We spoke about my highs and lows and trends to my cycles that I hadn't noticed and then he asked me the big question. "Have you ever been suicidal?" That was one of the hardest questions I've ever answered, I felt shame and embarrassment when I told him yes. After talking about how and why I felt the desire to end my life he asked me a question that both brought clarity and dread to my attention. He asked me "Why do you feel like your life is so bad that you want to end it?" It stopped me in my tracks.. Well, my life isn't all that bad. I have a lot of hate and loathsome emotion for my father who still lives in the home even though I am two years from graduating college and moving out; but other than that and my mother having a serious problem with my friends, and my brother being a lazy know it all, nothing. Other than the fact that I make everything worse in my mind. In that moment there was clarity, then when I realized that it is all in my mind is where dread sets in, I make my life worse, not on purpose but my perception of my life and the events that occur makes it worse. Great, I'm a melodramatic, over-emotional, not to mention bipolar girl...a.k.a. a ticking time bomb.