It's all my fucking fault.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Deathly Strike, Nov 15, 2007.

  1. Deathly Strike

    Deathly Strike Well-Known Member

    I'm such a fucking screw up, seriously.

    For once, can't I sit down, think things through and make other people happy as well as myself? All I seem to do lately is hurt and upset everyone around me and in turn it gets me down and the whole thing becomes a sorry affair. I just hate the fact that I can't make her happy no matter how hard I try. Everything I ever say or do ends up hurting her in the long run, and it pushes her away from me and now, because of my sheer existence on this planet, she's gone and left me - the one thing she said she'd never do and it's happened and I feel like pure fucking crap. I want to end it, guys, and I'm already half way there. I have the vodka, people, just give me the pills and we can all be fucking happy as Larry.

    Do you know what makes this worse? It's exactly one year today since we first spoke to each other. Sure it wasn't the most romantic way of meeting to talk drunk down the phone to her from my 'mates' house but it's that one call which started everything off. I can't remember what the exact words which were said, but something said and it was those words which latched her on to me. Since that night, she liked me. At first, I didn't like her in the way she liked me but my feelings grew and grew and, eventually, I guess you could say I fell in love with her. Just the things she said and did made me smile so much, and actually made me think I had a purpose for being her or for being alive, but all that's gone - and already I feel like nothing. You know how a heart is without a heartbeat? Well, that's how I feel like now and that's what I want to do. I want to grab a knife and stop my heart beating and my blood flowing and my lungs breathing. I want it all over now, and I'm not fucking around this time. Give me ammo, people, give it all you got and for once, make me happy by making you happy by killing myself.

    You know you fucking want to.
     
  2. Deathly Strike

    Deathly Strike Well-Known Member

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    I fucking want to die.
     
  3. :hug: antony
     
  4. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Oh boy! Your post made me feel more shitty than I already felt. Not for its content Anthony but for the scream that rang to my ears.

    Whatever you said or done, no matter what, NONE deserves to die..... and none has sufficient reasons to help you die or give you supplementing reasons for you to add up to then act on it.

    "Give me ammo, people, give it all you got and for once, make me happy by making you happy by killing myself.

    You know you fucking want to."

    No one wants this Anthony. It is your pain talking, expressing how deep down you are feeling at the moment.

    NONE would benefit from your death, none wishes it nor wishes you to.....

    I notice you only have access to the forum. Whatever happen can be fixed....... talk and clear up things and you will overcome obstacles.

    Slow on the vodka. Aint water kiddo....... pour yourself a glass of water and pretend it is if it helps but stay away from that stuff. Wont solve anything..... all you will get is a headache and perhaps a good time with the head in the bowl. :yurk:

    It is not life you hate, but the pain you are into. :hug:

    granny
     
  5. Chise

    Chise New Member

    Don't say that :[

    I know I probaly make it worse, but I don't mean to.
    I'd be lost without you.



    I love you...
     
  6. Deathly Strike

    Deathly Strike Well-Known Member

    Thank you.

    I don't mean to make you feel like complete shit all the time but I promise I'll make it up to you. You'd be lost without me? You have no idea how I am without you, I'm a complete wreck. I've said and done things in the past which probably have 'UNCARING ****' labeled on the side, but I do care for you, so much. I'm just sorry I've hurt you.

    :(