Its all over, i'm going to end it now it dont matter anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Emptysoul, Nov 25, 2008.

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  1. Emptysoul

    Emptysoul Well-Known Member

    Ive been bad before but not like this...
    I'ts all over for me, been cutting for a few days, took a massive overdose yeserday, was completely out of it and a m8 called the police and they came over and called the paramedics who got my mate to drive me to hospital and sit in a waiting room for 4 hours. the got a shrink out of bed who saw me last time i was in to talk to me, as soon as they found out I was gay and got raped and it had finally taken me over the edge they just couldnt care less and sent me home.
    I tried to get counciling when it happned and help but couldnt get any and the que was 6 months as being gay and getting raped dosnt seem to count to much. the Police let me down and the hospital at the time even tho i tryed to kill myself and they couldnt care less then or now.
    I just took all the very strong painkillers I could get my hands on and took them and have taken more 2nite to hope it ends me if it dont when all feelings end i could finish the job when i started cutting earlier in the week and just do it further up the arm.
    I got nothing to lose now my mum dont care so theres nothing holding be back from doing it now. when i got raped and tride to kill myself my mates dragged her up to the hospital and told her that i tried to kill myself and she said she couldnt care less and she went home back to bed, when i got the corrage to tell her why i had 2 mates with me and in the end it all came out in a scream. all she said was that it was my fault that I must have encoraged the guy even tho I was jumped from behind with a knife. she says that all men are liars and anything that ever happens to her is my fault. and that i must have encoraged him cause i am gay. my doc told me when i went to get some help a few weeks ago that men dont get raped and that gay guys are just asking for it and diserve it and its my falut for being wrong.
    I can put a brave face on but im completly shredded inside and i got no will left at all. theres no point to anything anymore im scared at any sudden movement of others and by myself. im all torn up and empty and dead inside, i cant cope with anything anymore as i cant get any help anywhere and theres no-one left no-one will stop me or care if im gone i just need to die now. my lifes over anyway I shouldnt have wrote this im sorry to make you all read about my worthless dead life but whats the point in deleting it after writing so much I cant deal with it anymore. im sorry
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi emptysoul. I'm sorry that your mom and the doctors and police haven't been much help for you. You didnt encourage the men who raped you and you didn't deserve either. Being gay does not make a guy deserve to get raped. It's an awful thing to happen to a person, male or female. Please don't end your life over this. Please don't give up hope. :hug:
  3. Chernarus

    Chernarus Well-Known Member

    try and get help and keep you sexual preference out of it theres alot of homophobes me being one of them but i still can put that a side and offer word that will hopefully encourage you,things will get better with time i had a friend who got raped hen he was younger and hes fine now, just give it time time heals all wounds mental and physical.
  4. d-pressed

    d-pressed Well-Known Member


    I'm sorry it has been a while now since you posted this so my reply may be coming too late.

    Have you sought help since you were attacked other than coming onto this forum? You need to talk to someone who can really support you at this time. I'm sorry to hear the hospital were so unhelpful but sexual assaults on males do happen, they are just not reported often because males are less likely to actively seek help. Therefore there are the institutions and people out there who will be more sympathetic of your situation and be more willing to help you.

    Also, if you have overdosed again do go to a GP and get a blood test to check everything is okay.

    Don't lose hope. You will come out stronger at the end of this.
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