Hello, New to this site. Just sitting here in the dark trying to figure out why I keep trying to go on. I've had depression/anxiety/suicidal thoughts for the past 27 years or so. My husband of 27 years passed away last month; my 19-year-old daughter is failing in college; I'm in the middle of a bankruptcy and my finances are terribly bad; and today everything was topped off by me crashing my only car into the back of a car stopped in front of me at a light because I glanced to the right and didn't see him stop. I tell myself every day that perhaps I can have a better day tomorrow, but then tomorrow comes and something else bad happens. I try very hard to see something good in each day, but right now everything is just bad, bad, bad. The accident today has sent my anxieties into overdrive. I sit here and google all the bad things that can happen as a result. I know realistically how these things work. I have good insurance which will take care of the other driver and his car and passenger. I know my insurance cost will go up. I'm not going to lose my house because of this accident. I know that my daughter has to start making her own decisions about how to live her life. I know that eventually my finances have to settle down. But right now, I am just sitting here wondering if it is even worth it to wait until things look up, because every time I try to look on the brighter side of things, only more bad things happen. Does this sound like self pity? I have the means here to end my life (God knows I have enough pills here to do it), and the only thing stopping me is the guilt I feel for abandoning my family. But I swear that I am at my wits end. I should go to bed, but every time I close my eyes I keep seeing the accident and how badly I screwed up! Again!!!!