It's all too much

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by ear112695, Mar 3, 2015.

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  1. ear112695

    ear112695 New Member


    New to this site. Just sitting here in the dark trying to figure out why I keep trying to go on. I've had depression/anxiety/suicidal thoughts for the past 27 years or so. My husband of 27 years passed away last month; my 19-year-old daughter is failing in college; I'm in the middle of a bankruptcy and my finances are terribly bad; and today everything was topped off by me crashing my only car into the back of a car stopped in front of me at a light because I glanced to the right and didn't see him stop.

    I tell myself every day that perhaps I can have a better day tomorrow, but then tomorrow comes and something else bad happens. I try very hard to see something good in each day, but right now everything is just bad, bad, bad.

    The accident today has sent my anxieties into overdrive. I sit here and google all the bad things that can happen as a result. I know realistically how these things work. I have good insurance which will take care of the other driver and his car and passenger. I know my insurance cost will go up. I'm not going to lose my house because of this accident. I know that my daughter has to start making her own decisions about how to live her life. I know that eventually my finances have to settle down.

    But right now, I am just sitting here wondering if it is even worth it to wait until things look up, because every time I try to look on the brighter side of things, only more bad things happen. Does this sound like self pity?

    I have the means here to end my life (God knows I have enough pills here to do it), and the only thing stopping me is the guilt I feel for abandoning my family. But I swear that I am at my wits end.

    I should go to bed, but every time I close my eyes I keep seeing the accident and how badly I screwed up! Again!!!!
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry that you are suffering at the moment. Yes, you feel at a low ebb and have suffered the past 27 years. It's shows that you have survived and you will survive. It's not nice when financial worries also plague on your mind.

    Everyday might be hard but there is a purpose of living life. You have to be strong and please do not act on any feelings. You need to throw those pills away as we can help you get through this tough time. You are strong and it's about dealing one day at a time. You daughter would truly miss you.

    Keep posting here for the help and support you truly deserve.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hell i know your mind is all over place dam accident been there and it is scary when it happens. Give your mind time to settle some ok don't react on what you are feeling right now. There will be better days ahead it is too soon you are still grieving the loss of your husband I do hope hun you reach out now to your doctor let doc know what is happening ok or therapist if you have one. If not maybe if your insurance allows it get a therapist to help you through this hard time right now

    Good you are talking here keep talking ok Keep reaching out for support and your daughter get her to talk to councilor at the school let councilor know the difficult time she is having with loss of her father they can help her get a councilor to talk to her and make arrangement to help her with her school ok One day at a time for time hell one hour at a time ok
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello there,

    I am so sorry for your loss. It must be increasingly difficult to deal with considering your other problems too. It's good you have good insurance, at least that can settle your mind a bit.

    Is there any particular reason your daughter is failing in college? Maybe she needs a little help.

    Whatever happens, I hope you can get through this difficult time and we will try and help as much as we can. :hug:
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