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its all wrong

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ryan25, Jan 5, 2011.

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  1. ryan25

    ryan25 Member

    hello - never vented on here before , im new to this - new to feelin like this , its only been about 2 years of feeling like this im still going to do something about it !

    ok so this is how the story goes - split up with my ex 3 years ago - she hates me without valid reason , on splitting up she refused to pay the mortgage etc for around 5/6 mnths which meant i had to support the mortgage and jeopordise my credit cards etc which ruined my credit file , which means i got sacked due to my job requiring A1 finance !

    Now ive been forced through the courts to sell my house and she still has my car , ive had to move in with my parents and my selfworth is at 0.........

    im not worried or motivated by materialistic possesions , its just the constant trudge through this shitty little rat race , expected to do whats normal and frowned upon when "normal" isnt evident - yes i have sever depression and yes i do feel diffrent to everybody else - everybody else pretends to care , but you can see in there eyes , they are thinkin "wow this boys a fruitcake" i can almost see it every time i even dare to suggest im really low - so based upon this can anyone give me some help or i fear the negative thoughts are going to end my life !!

  2. lagstronaut

    lagstronaut Member

    i know that look man. when you are trying too hard or when you decide to stop trying, the look is the same -- "what the fuck is wrong with you". I get it all day every day buddy. I wish I could tell you how to make it not sting as much
  3. ryan25

    ryan25 Member

    to make it worse before xmas i told my mum {the only person in the world} that i wanted no part of this shitty earth any longer - she got really stern with me and told me to grow up - i mean if ya mum doesnt understand , how can people who could never work me out in twenty years possibly understand me - yeah i got that look from my mum too - she said she doesnt want to hear it anymore - point made i think !

    thanks pal
  4. Youth

    Youth Active Member

    Me and my ex-girlfriend shared an apartment for awhile and I got straight up screwed out of like $4,000 of rent and other stuff. I rebounded big time though. I mean, when I and her were dating I was just this injured athlete living with some hottie, but without her, even despite all of the financial cutbacks, I have more credentials now - I'm in college, acting, writing, and reading a lot more, and have been on the Dean's List. And she's going out with this butt-ugly mongrel she cheated on me with.
    Now, I still have some dept left to pay off, but I do have more self-worth. No, I don't have a sexy girlfriend anymore. And yes, I'm living with my folks. But honestly, I feel like it's her loss. I know that she was always happy with me and I highly doubt that "other guy" has equaled me - at least as far as making her smile! I'm really depressed at this point in my life, but I'm absolutely positive it is not because of her or my dept. I know I did right in our relationship.
    SO: Just convince yourself that you did things for her that no other partner could. She's not going to feel you again, but you can move on. You have a fresh start. Just forget about her and the money and build from what you've got in front you - a family and an extra opportunity to reinvent yourself.

    Hope I helped!
  5. ryan25

    ryan25 Member

    hey thank , as i said im not so bothered about the money,car or house , i honestly couldnt give a fuk about that , ive turned into a depressed , pariah , and i dont care ------- but i do - - i just push everyone away , i mean i cut people out of my life very very easily .
    my car blew up last week and my boiler collapsed and soaked my house that im trying to sell , so you see , if i documented all my problems on here - i think you guys would be bored !
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 5, 2011
  6. ryan25

    ryan25 Member

    no reason to carry on , im perceived as strange / odd and ive driven everyone away , i will die a lonely man thats a cert!
  7. lagstronaut

    lagstronaut Member

    i will die a lonely man too dude. its a shame
  8. ryan25

    ryan25 Member

    i never planned life like this , now everyone is either ashamed of me or just dont want to know me - prove life is worth living is what i say , and if medication is the only thing other than counselling then fuk it , im goin asap
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