its allcraazy

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ~PinkElephants~, Apr 17, 2007.

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  1. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    It's okay Kells breathe. one thing at a time. one breath, exhale, two breaths, exhale. its not hard. its not hard at all. whats with the overwhelming sense of dread in the pit of your stomach. what's with the migraine so severe you can barely see straight, in fact your vision is all screwy at the moment..everything seems so hazy. everything seems so wrong. I dont know why, i just feel sick. i feel like the walls are closing in and it scares me. kell get a fuckin' grip, please get a grip...get ahold of yourself...please...just fuckin shove it all down. push it all aside..ignore the urge. ignore it...fuckin ignore it. Stay away from the edge, dontlook down, stay away from the ledge..you don't want to jump. You don't want to fall kells you don't want to fall. you want to be strong and vague and unaware and alone and empty..dont fall dont fall kells its a crazy long drop down to the bottom. it's a crazy long time since u've felt this off. off ...yea...off..crazy isn't you. You are just crazy. too stupid to go see someone, to stupid to go get help, to stupid to not get on drugs, to stupid to not call that number given to you. kells ur going nuts kells ur cracking up...what the fuck did you do so wrong. where did you slip. where did you fall. did you break along the way. did you break along the way kells..did you let them break you? did you let them take ur soul, did oyu let them take ur heart your one good thing left. did you let themt ake your heart bc if you did your worthelss now. worthless piece of shit. worthless shell of a girl. crack the inside, break the out. break the out shatter the inside. an endless cycle...and endless cycle..and end it!! we aren't on the same path are we..we didnt follow the same oath..we didnt plan the same plans..we are not one..we are not in sync...we are not alike. we are differetn. im not you..never will be...enver have been. we are not the same..you suck...you suck the life out of eveyrone around you. you are a vaccuum..you are a vicious maniacal human..lookin for revnege on ur life..we are nothte same. we never will be. id ont wnat to be you.. i want to be me..so give me my soul back..give me my life back...take away your hate take away the words take away the lashes that you left across my soul..take it away you..take it aawya.

    TAKE IT THE FUCK AWAY YOU VENGEFUL BITCH!!!
     
  2. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    did you know hatred is vicious and endless and worthless and vile. did oyu know it'll pierce your heart and bleed youd ry if you thrive on that hatred. let it spill you go ahead let it spill you fromt he inside out. let it kill you..it won't hrut will it. Kells, you are not okay...nahh look in the mirror the same pitiful girl as always..not a woman a girl...a girl with tears streaming down her face...wishing she was soemone...anyone else. Look deeper..its a mess...look deeper..its a waste. its a waste to let such crocodile tears fall..but how do yous top them kells..think of her..think of her words..think ofher hate and remorse..do you want her to entangle your heart..do you want her to tie those weights on your ankles and pull you under..you are skimming the surface gasping for air...do you want her to pull you under..tahts what you're doing. it hurts you know..it hurts to feel..it hurts to breathe..ithurts to want its so worthless int he end you know. we are born to die, dying as we live...living to prove what? to prove that we are better than the next...im not..its not its worthless. we are vengeful..we kill to live we live to kill. we let people roam around and kill and then we say sorry like sorry's enough. we empty ourselves of emotions kell, do that and you shall be void of life..life what is life. waht is life anyways. why..why do we bother.

    kells, remember it all...crack the surface..jump...jump and run and jump..and leap and FALL
    FALL SINK DROWN shes taking over you..shes taking over u..you are not vengeful..you are not hurtful but look what you are doing..look what you have done...worthless girl..no woman here...just a worthless girl biding her time til she stops....til she stops

    oh she will stop....
     
  3. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    can you hear her...can you hear her in my mind. can you hear her telling me waht i am...telling me waht i'll be. nothing..nothing kells..you'll always be..what she said. youll be her..youll be her..youll turn into her..vengeful
    hateful..vengeful and evil. why live why live the lost life..why live. kells its nto worth it..you are her..you are her. jump the cliff jump...fall...float..you won't fly..you are no angel. you are nothing you are her you are nothing you are her. why her?! why let her not leave...get out of my head..get out get out. she's in there...worthless i am worthless i am forever. i am nothing. i am what she said..i will become her..hteful and empty. i will be..i will be nothing.

    its allll gone. all gone all gone all gone..gone gone gone. why
    why
    do
    i let
    her do
    this to me

    why do i let
    her in to my head
    why wont she
    leave
    why wont she
    get out.
    i dont talk to her..i barely see her..yet she invades me..shes taking over...
    i hate it i hate it i hate me i dont wnat to be her...
     
  4. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    no words..cant blame people really..what do you say...what do you say to someone so lost so hopeless so worthless so nothing. ill rant just to rant i wont speak anymore so its okay to rant. i have only spoken to dylan since this afternoon. i have no words..i need no words im pointless. im a void. i dont know. kells is crazy..kells is her...kells wants to fade. eventually..sehll fade


    away
     
  5. crzykidshanana

    crzykidshanana Well-Known Member

    I think you could write some really amazing song lyrics.
     
  6. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    She does, and her poetry is amazing :smile:

    Kell you're not her, you're worth so much more than her.
     
  7. crzykidshanana

    crzykidshanana Well-Known Member

    Good, then. Writing always tends to get things out for me too...
     
  8. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Hang in there hun, you are worthwhile, even if yu can't see it. We care and are here, please try and stay safe hun, ok? :hug:






    ...and agreed with the above
     
  9. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    I hope you feel better, Kells. You're better than you see.

    Stay safe and take care of yourself. :hug:
     
  10. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    mm all the words in my head, all the times i wanted to speak all the times i cant. i just ignore it i just ignore it and shove it down. i won't show people i hurt i'll either isolate myself or laugh and smile so people think im okay. like last night..look at last night...i was on skype...no wordss..than laugh "haha" kells is normal kells is okay. secretly popping, secretly wishing secretly hoping, b/c kells can't feel. kells has to be numb..numb to feel alive..numb to survive. i cant be mean, notice no words in chat anymore..barely speak..will not speak so i dont become her..so i dont let her take over me. if i dont speak i won't be her i wont say or do things like her. i wont' become it..ill jump first. stay close to the edge stay close to the knife, stay close to the pills, that way if i become her i can end her. take her out of my life, take her out of my heart..take her away..ramblings make no sense...feelings make no sense..life no sense..lost\

    fuckin lost
     
  11. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Right you!!!
    There is no way u are her!!
    You are u, unique and a person in your own right.
    You need to get a punching bag..make it her and tell her just what you really think of her...then punch the bag for good measure!!!

    ps: no one was fooled by the laughing last night. :hug:
     
  12. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    shhh don't fret...kells. dont let them worry. terry its just words its just a show its just not real..what is real? what is real? im not real..just because flesh and bones and blood and insides are here..doesn't mean im real. Real is someone that feels...waht if you don't want to feel anymore. what if just what if you want to slip just a little more. no fooling..fooling is foolish. i make people cry, i make people hurt, my words destroy because of honesty..my words affect others even though im not affected. I hate it all, hate it all..its like the ice melted, the pots over flowing...the mind is raging..my mind is saying little girl let go...while my heart is saying you worthless bitch give in. no one wants to bother..too consumed with lives..to shadowed in own depression.i give, i give til i break, i give til i can't anymore, and i break..but i still give. others take take take take and never give. selfishness, sadness, life..what is life..bugs crawl in and bugs crawl out...when we die we are alone in life im alone..whats the difference whats thed eal whats the fretting about. no tears, no tears for lil girls who are lost..no woman here never has been ask HIM...I've been lost for years...at least 10. ive been lost and no one helped id ont want hlep i guess i want to rot and fade fade and rot let it all fall down. She won't notice, they won't notice, you won't notice, i won't notice. its all ac ycle..mind won't shut down now..mind won'tever stop. why won'tit shut down..barely managing to breathe and it won't shut down.

    im tired....of itall..dont say oyu know..you won't know youll cant know..i wont. smiles are for pretty people frowns are for me...smiles are for happy people shall i pretend for u. yeah, lets play a game of pretend. My turn.
     
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