I need to get this out. I thought I'd gotten over my depression. I felt fine for a good while. I thought I was ok. who was I kidding, you cannot run from depression, it's like a terminal disease, once you get it you are with it for life. Lurking in the shadows of everyday of your life. I have not self-harmed in so long that I don't know where my blades are! and now I'm suddenly having the urge to do it. I hate life, sick of life, sick of being alone and most of all sick of my heart hurting. All the people who come into my life just end up walking all over me and hurting me so much. I wanna be alone, but that hurts almost as much. I'm at a dead end. I don't wanna love, I'm sick of loving and not receiving. I hate everything and I hate everyone. I wish I would just disappear. Sometimes I wish I would get cancer, just so I could die naturally. I'm jealous of people who die suddenly. It's sad that people who don't want to die die and people like me who wish to die every day never do. I guess that sums up life. UNFAIR. Nothing good will ever come to us. I can't handle losing things that are important to me anymore. My life is a wreck and pointless as anything. I wish I had a friend. I wish I was loved back. I want to dissolve away into nothing, with no trace I ever existed...how blissful that would be.