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it's always worse on your side, or is it?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Scrubmuncher, Mar 10, 2009.

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  1. Scrubmuncher

    Scrubmuncher New Member

    What a life ah!
    I'm new here so hello to all. I am 36 years old and suffered from serious self mutilation for 26 of those years. I found a way out and that was working my ass off 18 hours a day to keep my over imaginative mind occupied. I dealt with it for alot of years without any self mutilation, I damaged my body so much that I am pretty much suffering constantly on an hour to hour basis, I cut my fingers off, I cut my face up, I cut my ear off and then once I got close enough to being a complete nutter I stopped. Something found me, god knows what but it did.
    Now I have lost my job, I am in an serious amount of debt to creditors (cards), I can not go straight back into work of any kind, I've applied for 100jobs in 5 days and nothing in response, at all. I feel forgotten.
    I have just returned from a spell in Jamaica where I was imprisoned for not paying the police, after a whore stuck a glass in my head after I smacked her for trying to grab my wallet and wielding a machete in defence across my beautiful girls head. I spent 3 weeks being fed once every 3 days.
    I approached the brish consulate and had a silent response.
    My financial, love and self worth is almost discontinued and I am not feeling very well at all. I've been searching on the net of best ways to just bypass this life and all keep coming up with the same thing. It is not going to work unless I chuck myself off a bick building, then I may splat someone else. How on earth can this be done without damaging anyone else.
    What countries can I visit to do this legally with a certain payment, I've had my dogs put down before and looked painless enough, can't be so bad.
    Any advice?
  2. Altruist

    Altruist Active Member

    Hey man, sounds like a real twist of luck. All I can say is "don't give up" the economy will pick up, stick around or you will miss out on it all. It can be a very scary feeling when you have to live in ways you have never lived before, but have faith in yourself, you will make it through. As you probably discovered in prison, you don't need much to survive. Just keep on keeping on and things will turn around for you. I think that this site is not going to be enough for you, so when things do turn around you should definitely consider checking for some help with your self mutilation. Best of luck, and keep your head up things will change. If you ever want to talk just send me a message.
  3. hecte

    hecte Active Member

    Holy crap man those are some problems! I would say look how far you've made it through all that crap! You're tougher than anyone I know to go through all that. You should be giving advice on these forums not asking for it.

    anyway theres always a solution sounds like you've fought your way out of harder times already im sure you can come out of this one.
  4. SuicideIsTheWrongOption

    SuicideIsTheWrongOption Well-Known Member

    Do you self mutilate for the same reasons i do? I doubt it.

    I don't try to kill myself often, but i self mutilate because i hate myself and i know i deserve it.

    unlike you i don't publicly self mutilate, because i don't want it known to others (my family specifically) to know i do it.

    I heard a funny fact once, apparently men only have one testicle that actually produces sperm or whatever, if that's true i have a 50/50 chance of ever having kids. Hahahahaha not that i'll live long enough to have the chance.
  5. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    does self hatred leads to self-mutilation?
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