THe only way I can get through the day is to distract myself from extremely troubling thoughts. Sometimes one of them will get through and it sends me into a spiral of suicidal thoughts and urges, this is shit. Something just reminded me of my ex and everything painful started flooding back in. I can't believe this. It instantly sends me back into the pit of depression. Even if i'm having a good day, something will remind me of a painful thought and everything just goes to shit again. This is no way to live. How can I live if the only option is to always have to block these thoughts and memories out of my head. It can be the most insignificant thing that sents me off. I wish i could get a lobotomy.