I've not been around for a bit. Was hoping that not being here would maybe make me not think about it. It didn't work. I was told the other day that parents are going away for a while. First thought...yay! Some time where I can have a night in and go in my own way. I have started stock piling again. Getting lots of things in on the sligh so that I can do things in my own way. I have had a drink tonight and blood let a little, what stopped me from going further? Well the fact that if I do and I get disturbed half way through it wont work. So, saving it for 2 weeks today! I have some control finally. But not in the right way. Things are getting too much for me. I can't cope. I have some stupid assessment thing on Tuesday from psychologist and they will telll me stuff I already know. I really can't see the point in it all. Why do I feel like this? Stupid pills! On one hand I think they work, but interfer with my sleep so not sleeping. If I take them in the morning I feel so nauseus I am miserable. I say they are working so why am I feeling like this? I don't know whre to go now!