i dont know when i started "getting better" but i guess i did, i stopped crying and killing myself wasnt a daily thought, i was "happy" i think at one point, still lonely but i got use to that after a certain point. So HE he trying to get in contact with me adn talk to me again, not going to go into the whole story but HE didnt want me and left me at a time when i needed a friend but now he's talking to me again and i dont know the reason and like a fool i think that by the grace of god he wants to be in life in a positive way but i know that it must be some sick game of his part to confirm that he is so "great" and no matter what he has done in the past i will always want him. Ever since i got his first call i've been having nightmares again, i use to have them all the time and never got a good nights sleep but for the past few months i didnt dream at all and i would take that over not having the nightmares any day. My anxiety is back too and i know its tied to him because i think of him as what i could have had and what my life could have been and it makes me very depressed to think about it but i cant help it. i want to know what he wants and why he chose now to try to get back into my life. idk what to do. just ranting.