i thought i was getting better, but it's back. that feeling of hopelessness. that realization that no matter what happens, i will always feel like this life wasn't meant for me. i knew, eversince i was a child, that i just didn't belong here. and now all this time has passed and i'm still wasting it trying to find my place when i know there's only one place i truly belong, deep at the bottom of the ocean, where tiny waves rock me to sleep. i know i shouldn't feel this way. i should fight to survive. i should do everything in my power to sustain this life, but i don't want to. i'm so tired. so tired. nothing matters anymore. it's all just filler for the void. it calls to me, louder this time. i think i'm ready to answer.