It's been 3 years...

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by just someone, Aug 27, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. just someone

    just someone Guest

    ...but it still feels like yesterday.

    How could I do that... Rather sleep than answering the phone, eventhough I knew she'd never call at such a time if it weren't urgent??

    It's my fucking fault she's gone now. It's my fault. And I shall pay for my sin. I shall pay for it. It's my duty to pay for it. She is gone, because of me. I am an ordinary killer. That's what I am, a fucking killer.
    Killers should pay for their actions. I will pay for mine.

    :cry: I'm sorry :cry:
  2. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Oh fuck...hun.. :sad: I know we haven't talked much recently, but I hope you'll stay safe..It's not your fault, you aren't a killer.. :wub: you.
  3. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    :no: :sad: :hug: sorry i'm out of it altely. but i'm here for you... you know that.
  4. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    sweetie, you know where to find me if you need to talk.

    I am so sorry, you are feeling this way. I can't even imagine how you are feeling. Be safe hun and if you need to talk.
  5. just someone

    just someone Guest

    I fucked it all up. All of tit. I fucked it all up..

    the drignking, drugs and selfharm.
    3 weeks without drugs. 4 weeks without selfharm. barely any drinkign for 3.5eks..
    fucked all of it lup.

    haa... how much of a person am I. Cnat even properly own up to my deeds in sober condition. lol. Cant even do it without having to find the courage through bad stuff.

    Ha. Glad I can't access the chatroom from this ofrum. no goodbyes.

    Nice to know how mucha I:M loved. Nice to know how much I love myself. Nice to know how much I can do for everyone. Nice to know it'll never be enough. I know it'll never bea nough. I killed her that one night and I'll never be able to make it up to her. I will have to see her in person.

    Her hands around my neck, it felt so real. Must havea been her. Urging me to go there to apologize and make up wfor it. Make up for breaking he promise, for illing her.

    Ha, I hope she still loves me, though I"m afreaid she's just very angry and disappointed in me, in the bad friend ai proved to be. And still prover to be. I made friends here, told them I love them and now I only still have proper contact with one of them. Only one out of at least 5 whom I said to be my clsoest friends on here. They're al l better off, lol.

    "The game of life is hard to play, we're gonna lose it anyway." - Marilyn Manson
    "this world is a cruel place and we're here only to lose." - HIM

    ANd right thtey are. Hah.
  6. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    she would not want you to leave the way she did. She loves you very much I'm sure and would not want to see you suffering like this. Maybe the handson your throat was her way of saying goodbye..maybe it was choking but her just giving you a sign that she was free...but by no means does that mean you should go do it too.

    I love you to bits
  7. just someone

    just someone Guest

    it doesnt meatter, dose it.

    Shes'eright here. standing behind me, looksgin over mys houlder.
    I tink shes waiting for meto get ready ti come with her... :)
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.