I've been suicidal ever since I was 10 years old. Even back when I just started school, I used to have these "emotional episodes". I never understood why I am the way I am. I'm not going to lie and say that everything has always been great with my family and friends but even before my parents got divorced and I became friendless, I was a nervous/paranoid wreck. I was always so scared and emotional and still am to an extent, I just hide it better now. I have also been trying to figure out my depression. How can a person who is scared of death constantly be thinking of dying? I just don't understand it. I have since my 10th birthday decided that I will not reach the age of 20. I'll be 19 now in April so I guess I don't have that much time left..