It's been a good while *possible triggers*

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by FMyLife, Aug 13, 2014.

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  1. FMyLife

    FMyLife Chat Buddy

    It's been few weeks since my last episode, where i went haywire. While I'm not actively self harming, the thoughts are there. The little voices that want me to, the part of me that enjoys it. Its a very difficult feeling to explain, when you realize that you actually like the way it feels. The thoughts in your head about the things your could do that would feel amazing. I know I'm messed up. I have a weird addiction to pain. I've tried to supplement self harm for other things, such as piercings, but you can only do so much of that before it can hinder your future. Then you're mind starts to come up with thoughts and fantasies about things you can do to feed a messed up addiction. Its like drugs. Only free. (no I am not condoning self harm, just explaining how my mind is working)

    How do I stop this? How do I get over it?
     
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, try an elastic band which someone suggested. It's helps me from self-harming as the sting brings to home. I hope this helps you.
     
  3. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    Like incrisis said an elastic band is good, or you can hold Ice in your hands for a long time it begins to burn, I do it sometimes.. Take it one day at a time
     
  4. FMyLife

    FMyLife Chat Buddy

    Its not the same....
     
  5. FMyLife

    FMyLife Chat Buddy

    and I'm broken….
     
  6. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    I agree it's not the same , if you don't mind talking about it, why are you broken?
     
  7. FMyLife

    FMyLife Chat Buddy

    After melting 6 ice cubes and realizing it wasn't doing shit…all it did was make my hand numb……

    My shoulder isn't so well…..cause i broke and couldn't fight anymore….
     
  8. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    Got to take it one day at a time and that shoulder will heal.. Boxing ?
     
  9. FMyLife

    FMyLife Chat Buddy

    I've considered it. I also run almost everyday but I can't spend all my time running. I tend to spend most of my time holed up in my house. Work is a good release because I'm not home alone....can work all the time. Can spend every moment with someone either...I choose not yo be that burden
     
  10. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    Running is good, you to do leg exercises , or take up a hobbies for the time your not doing anything like painting for example... Ive been in my house most of the time lately and I have become so bored, I started re arranging my room, thought about painting my bed frame a different color, random stuff to keep me occupied
     
  11. FMyLife

    FMyLife Chat Buddy

    i've been sitting at the computer for a good while trying to tame my thoughts today. haven't really slept in weeks, work is getting stupid. hell i can't even find enjoyment in most things. I'm home alone with nothing but my thoughts of today to keep me company, and as i replay my day in my head i get more and more pissed off. apparently the person that held this position before me couldn't do her shit right and i get my ass chewed for her fuck ups and all i can think is wow, how can someone hold a position for 4 years and not know what the hell they were doing. never mind the back that its my ass on the line when this shit surfaces. then i get to rearrange my day to accommodate for morons that don't know what the hell they are doing. which is sad, because in the medical field patients at least want the satisfaction of knowing that the staff is competent enough to deal with their needs. guess that is too much to ask…..wonder how much my shrink is fucking me over due to lack of intelligence….

    its been a rough day, I'm tired, I'm pissed off, I'm hating life at the moment and i just want to take my anger out….the urge is strong with this one at the moment...
     
  12. darkhorse91

    darkhorse91 Member

    we all have bad days...it's good that you're expressing your anger on here tho. you CAN resist the urge.
     
  13. FMyLife

    FMyLife Chat Buddy

    its coming to the end of the night and i haven't done anything. that's a good sign for me and i am feeling better than I was. and yeah tho shred has kind of become my rant for when I'm feeling that way. don't want to spam with new threads every time.

    this forum has been a good outlet for me to express what is going through my mind, and it feels good to know that i am not alone. that helps a lot in the war against myself….if that makes sense.
     
  14. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    I rant on here a lot too, it is a good outlet.. I'm glad your feeling better :)
     
  15. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am glad you are feeling better and that this site is helping you so much! It's a great outlet and incredibly supportive! Keep talking...it helps :)
     
  16. FMyLife

    FMyLife Chat Buddy

    A lingering fear of mine might have been confirmed. I think I am still fucked. It's day two of being home and while i spent them feeling okay i noticed my mood slipping las tight, and now I am once again stuck in my head and i can't find the fucking door. o_O My safety net of a monitored bed where I have no chance in hell of pulling anything off is gone and I sit here, strung out on my thoughts and crying because I can't escape myself. I'v done some unsafe acts this evening that I am not proud of but at the same time and feeling a strange sense of relief for succumbing to my urges….chased my nightly meds with a few shots of jack and bled out some of the pain…sneaky fucking hate spiral wins again…...
     
  17. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear your not doing well again, try not to think of the spiral winning completely , consider it a small battle lost but you can pick up again and win the war,.. If that makes sense.
    It's always a relief but it's upsetting afterwords ... I'm slipping too I'm just trying to keep my head above the water.. I hope you feel better soon
     
  18. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hey hun.... please don't mix sleepers with alcohol. Can cause amnesia, black outs and worse, it is downright dangerous. Sorry you are feeling so crappy :( I'm not sure but by reading your post I think you have self harmed....we're here for you. Anytime you feel like harming yourself just talk to us 'cos we do understand. Big hugs, your friend...Petal :)
     
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